www.lizzielanemusic.com updated 18/7/10 NeuroLyme..page Thoughts/diary
|
MY THOUGHTs... DIARY...
ALL clips are from previous blogDIARY
write ups
______________________________
own GOD pulease stay close to me...
____________________________
______________________________________
or making all of so COMPLICATE... >>>>>GET REAL DO SAY>>>>> should be simple...KNOW WHATELSE...>>??? COMPLEXITY SHOULD BE DISALLOWED...>>>>>> whether is ALLOWED OR NOT>>>> to feel as do...>>> is NOT... it seems...... would probably get row you see... >>>>> but if no one ever knows SO WHAT>>> if was ever good or bad>>> BUT OWN GOD DOES... SO THERE>>>>> BUT IF NO NOT NEVER EVER had any of this reinforce is poss all would fade & die>>...>>> from being good as little saint...... but then only ever look at you is but then imposs to do>>> KNOW WHATELSE>>> strong does equal reinforce... &&&& is my diary .. will have many KNOW WHATS as want.>>>> ........... SO THERE>>>
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
----------------------------------------- __________________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
__________________________________________
..used to believe that destiny was the power... but it is NOT...>>> FATE IS THE STRONGER ENTITY >>>> & KNOW WHAT SHE SAID??? FATE IS GOD.. YEP IT SURE IS >>> & WHY DID HE DO THIS TO ME.??. "TO TEST YOUR STRENGTH">>> but was as near all of my life as I can remember..FIGHTING THIS EVIL before DIAGNOSIS.. >>>>>>>NOW WOULD SEEM am being marked up as future ANGEL as my own BRUTUS???? >>>> let me say am ALREADY ANGEL... in every sense of the word... ______________________________________
& my hand so very tight in his... & am sure there is little tears in his eye......>>>> & I do scream as he takes me back to illustrate... & it is HELLISH... >>>>>am facing this climb from base... am so tired... so VERY sick... (HELP ME PUHLEASE BRUTUS... I CANNOT DO IT>>.don't leave me here>>>>)>>> & my voice trails as my angel scoops high into his arms... ... & takes back to where am at..>>>> made his point about staying WITH... STAYING FOCUSED.... >>>>because to stop now might be the end of all.....>>>> & did cry in his arms... in my dreams... >>> ______________________________________
BUT to think once upon a >>>> I WOULD NOT EVEN TAKE HIS HAND... did not TRUST >>> coz simply I DID NOT KNOW...>>> ______________________________________
______________________________________
but can't can I?... do you compre that being submerged in h20 as mermaid />>>WAS part of my own world until a fateful day in DECEMBER 2007 when became way TOO SICK WITH NeuroB cos I couldn't move my spine.. & haven't been able to teach in that capacity since... because treatment altho working towards goal of I DO PRAY making me betta... keeps my world LOCKED DOWN TIGHT... >>> all line covers >>> all the chasing of... purchasing of & the total kindness of a guy do call MD.. is about me trying to live... but even the best line covers only work in the most rudimentary of ways... nuttin like FREEDOM ...
______________________________________ ______________________________________
you can keep all the riches of this world... there is absa nuttin ... more precious than love... & if I forget that I once was loving you it will break my heart... so do say don't let this happen... & sis Laney does say she certainly wont>>> & this gives me confidence ... to concentrate on getting BETTER... & not get so distressed about... blips in memory >>> ______________________________________
& KNOW WHAT...??? I WILL THEN REMEMBER & SAY.... ______________________________________
______________________________________ & ALSO one other GUY.....>>> WHO>???? MY OWN GOD... that's who...!!! ____________________________
but for certain is on the case of Lizzie & always has been>>> ____________________________ ______________________________________
is building not a wall around my heart>>>>> but own opiates.. as endorphins....>>> take it as done ...>>> but nuttin is that simple... as did say earlier... STRENGTH HAS BECOME MY BIGGEST WEAKNESS... _____________________________________
Eurydice stepped on a snake and fell unconscious. The venomous snake had bitten her, leaving her dying. Distraught, Orpheus who loved her deeply… played and sang to the Gods who wept with grief. In their sadness did allow him to travel to the Underworld where Eurydice was taken. He continued to sing amazingly that the guard at the gates of Hades, called Cerberus granted that Eurydice be allowed freedom to return with Orpheus to the normal living world, on condition that he should walk in front of her to lead & protect taking her hand, but must not ever look back until they had crossed safe into the other side. Orpheus with love so deep, so strong and now at the gates of Hades .. reached daylight after climbing up through all darkness of hell turned to say "I love you"... to see all of love in her eyes, then despair..... as she is pulled from his grasp to vanish forever. 3 times the thunder roared in ears... in all of my years I'll see that lost look in her eyes..
______________________________________
Think for one moment... YOU as person alone on this planet... there is nuttin but YOU... >>>no one to care... no one to share.... no one to love... no one to cuddle up close...>> but you got all you need to stay alive>>> in physical sense... WOULD YOU BE HAPPY??? I WOULD NOT..>>>> I want to KNOW what LOVE ISknow what>>>??? some of YOU ARE SAYIN' YOU WOULD be happy ALONE>>> cos COULD munch on VERY LAST ROLLO... or Mac MUFFIN MEAL>>> YEP can you BELIEVE IT..????. awe that is sad ... cos I would give mine to YOU ______________________________________
but just to be sure... put this wig on Lizzie>>>> NOW...... & WEAR SHADES... sssssssSSSSSSH ______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
>> BUT have decided will also go back to college do more computing & further challenge neurons to heal... _____________________________________
cause have NEVER WRITTEN A LOVE SONG FOR ANYONE...>>> _____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
________________________ page up
____________________________________
so TODAY emotional is hurting beyond ANYTHING I'VE EVER HAD TO ENDURE BEFORE...... & BELIEVE ME THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING... Wanted to ASK OF ANYONE...>>> of a morn... CAN YOU GO HOSP DO MY IV FOR ME...>>>SWAP WITH LIZZIE...>>>>>WANT DAY OFF>>>>> NO MORE DRUGS for today...... making me SICKER..>>>..... .. .... fought so hard to get where am at >>> & wont let go....... ____________________________________
____________________________________
I love her so much she does read my mind... she does know what is in my heart.. ____________________________________
___________________________________
____________________________________
___________________________________
______________________________________
still he followed.."you don't look like an angel.... got
no wings"
his answer was always.. "you know I must stay... I am
not allowed to leave you.. it is not my decision"... (thank God... he
never left........ I perceive that might've been rather dodgy had he
gone..... anyway
that dream was of May this year...)...
SO what is the connection?? well my angel APPEARED
again .... (now that did freak me as to WHY..??.).... I am not going back to
being sick as I was... ............. . thought it was a bad sign.. .
then realization hit.......... I wasn't going back.... I WAS BACK...
everyone blanked me.. it was hugely distressing.....as
if they could not hear (all people I know .. family... friends..
doctors.....)......... I was pleading for help... holding my
head.. in terrible pain..
My angel...stayed.. .... this time I didn't tell him to push
off...
turned tearful.... pleading "what am I going to do?...
don't leave me...."
"I wont leave you"... he said
GOOD... cause I'm thinkin' I'll be needing him
a lot ........ ..
(I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT...) but I will need you .. very much..... stay close...
xx Love Lizzie xx
PS.. uploaded... "I don't want to talk about it.."... (for you
with love xx)
__________________________________________
___________________________________
____________________________________
I am here at this point because of a twist of fate.. the decision of someone I had then yet to meet..... to move to the area I live.. a doctor made a destiny decision that quite possibly saved my life.. I only know I was so ill I had given up on trying to find what was wrong.. I was simply too sick... So my thoughts are jumbled because if you read the other column you will comprehend just how many doctors & experts were unaware of what was happening... There is one thing for certain you should try to never give up... you don't know what direction your life will take.. fate or the destiny of another can make changes to outcome within micro seconds....
_____________________________
 am not surprised people die with lyme disease because the level of ignorance
is appalling. Many specialists in the UK seem to interpret LATE DISSEMINATED
lyme disease...... (that is where it infiltrates other parts because it simply
was left untreated too long.. in my case my BRAIN) ....... as nothing more than
a type of CHRONIC inconvenient pain in the head or neck!!! Instead of a living
deadly organism on full bore attack. (believe me you FEEL it attacking the
brain) I also know that cost is an issue in treatment...do you know that Roche
the drug company who make Rocephin.. (ceftriaxone) will provide FREE IV Cef when
needed for prolonged treatment of lyme..?? they KNOW their drug saves lives..
so if your insurance or health service or whatever wont pay out then you will
find details on the internet about the scheme...
___________________________________
must make all I cope with look easy..
IT IS NOT...>>>> am on full
maximum.. filled with tears day.. .. given much to think about from my own
DD.. it is good I do have a strong fondness for him...... cause he cruised to
the limit of danger when asking if I could afford???.. please tell what
have I done to deserve the situ I am in.....?? am I missing something?? I can afford but that is
total irrelevant.. it just adds insult to injury.. the forgotten years of
severe ear & head pain .... now I must pay for my own consultant
fees.. & tests.. because the NHS has no specialist who comprehends...
I am pro active in my own health care... but it adds to my pain that it is
treated as expected........ simply because the nhs local consultant is an
arrogant opinionated man who refuses to do tests (which use the exact same USA
labs) until he has incarcerated Lizzie in his infectious disease unit &
subjected her to high dose steroids.. . all other specialists say
steroids must never be used with neuroLyme_________________________________
__________________________________
_________________________________
web copyright Lizzie Lane
|
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
THIS GIRL IS NO FOOL>>> _________________________________________
_________________________________________
was wearing DRESSING to cover RASH ON LEG... which was the calling CARD of neuroB..... for months & months you see..>>>> no medic seemed to care or grasp own hell & total despair...>>>>>of THEN>>> now things have changed... is only fair>>> to say....>>> they fight to get me better.. & rash was covered>> to hide @ work did do this for months.. many now hold the horror in heart OF WHAT WAS... >>>& feel so bad..>> did not ring alarm bell>>>... or compre all of hell>>> ...Lizzie sad>>>> as little rag doll >> had nuttin left to give... ..>> now the love of R&C >>> saved the day..>>>keep strong... & there are others too...>> ALL WHO VISIT WEB AS YOU>>> KNOW WHAT??? LOVE is food of STRENGTH... well it is in my world.. _____________________________________________ & >>> maybe if never see... those who tug at heart compre... with all of love... as heavens above>>> then all of same might fade & die >>>> be a tragedy...?? world without love.. ... same as hell... ..would it not... & fact is simple... fact is sure... .. every time do see >>> love grows as reinforced. >>>>>>> ofcourse... same as when say own name... am but your eternal flame... ssssshhh >>. this girls name is Lizzie Lane... . _____________________________________________
but if not YOU CAN TELL ME HOW TO DO ... then I will simply copy you.. ------------------------------------------
______________________________________
____________________________________ Music is a release from the way I feel as is writing.. pulling everything together >> clearing my mind.. & Yet for all my abilities did not see this coming.. .. was mega fit.. real strong.. triathlons.. hill running.. fell racing.. half marathons.. could see off anyone over long distances running or swimming.. So how could I EVER know that when the earpain began it was a follow on from the suppression of my immune system.. Would be about 8 years ago when the first searing pain like my ear drum was ready to explode made itself felt.. but from way before my memory was being engulfed... effectively could not make connections.. BUT was UNAWARE.. the pain in my jaw was enough to deal with.. was driving me crazy.. This was the monster borrelia on full attack too & within my brain.. but no doctor.. or consultant.. or anyone for that matter understood what was happening.. ? So I CANNOT BLAME MYSELF... even scientist sister & professor husband.. had no comprehension... Borrelia is so smart it escaped detection.. & I felt I was going insane.. going CRAZY I felt so alone.. it was terrifying.. I could reach no one.. I voiced many times my fears that whatever was making me ill would find its way to my brain.. NO THAT WONT HAPPEN.. I was assured ...& foolishly I actually listened.. SO let me say if you got a persistent painful ear that no medic can source ... remember READING THIS.. don't be me.. love lizzie x
____________________________________
THOUGHTS//// cont Love it in my dreams when someone gets close ...someone I do like to see...... ... even if its a figment... (awe gees Lizzie...you've done it now calling Brutus a figment... cause he knows EVERYTHING..). & if he is a figment & if dreams are the essence of reality...what is reality.???.... The dream did start like a nightmare with my previous doctor in evidence...... that should've been upsetting ... this time did trust Brutus in total... ..his hand locked tight to mine & I did allow ... no tugging away.. ... deep in the past...... "God is proud of you Lizzie... be sure of that... you did fight against a wall impervious to your suffering that was constructed in hell... because of your suffering you will never stand by & watch same in others.. it has taken you above".. My angel made me cry & did gently dry my tears......(dreams are so REAL)... TODAY I AM SEEING the past differently... my angel with his love & patience was showing what went before has made me a person that my own God did love so much... (even when I did swear????)... "even so Lizzie.... what has gone before has made you... who you are... in the eyes of God you are very special... understand that."... & so what happened earlier in the ACTUAL day did make sense in context of dream... as at work ex nurse P did come to talk...& did say ... for all I've been through ...... did more than deserve to treated with so much care.. to be put first at hosp & they should be doing this,,,... & one day I will be able to live again normally..... but she is so beautiful ... to say these things... with her love shining through.. I just did not feel worthy to be shown so much love...... & that is what Brutus was reinforcing in my dream of lastnight..... love & respect are earned... you cannot ask of them.. & my angel & P are both saying same Lizzie has earned both .....from everyone ... if dreams bring comfort mine has helped... conveyed a message I did need to hear.. ... I often ask of my own God why? & perhaps now I'm beginning to hear answers Being programmed to give not to take..... .. Lizzie does not fit into this world of TAKE........ but am so so tired of receiving ditto return...... & am not talking of money...... sorry but its true.. I've spoke to my own God about my feelings... & he does understand..... that's what baby Jesus was all about... & when you open of yourself & give & get no return it is hard............ & so I need to protect me more.. so am thinkin' have started to build this wall around me.. did promise I wouldn't let this happen... but it is...... so what can I do to stop it...before its like a fortress as it once was...??? tell me have you ever felt like this...??page up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You do all tell me different that my world intrigues & captivates... well I agree with the latter... it does captivate... because Lizzie is a CAPTIVE... oh sure I got choice... to do drug or to stop ... if I stop before all bacteria are deemed to be dead what is likely to happen?? It is I who is likely to do DEAD... because Bacteria stronger & more resistant to ceftriaxone will evolve..... on dark days like those of the past week I feel alone.. ... _____________________________________ remember this >>>>>is my diary... & wot goes in or out is all down to Lizzie...>> not wot you want>> ALL OF PERSONALS... got none of that anyway>>>... am way too busy being patient little patient...of EVERY>>>> MY LOVE AFFAIR YOU WANT TO KNOW IS WITH WHO>>>??? IS CALLED>>>???>>>>> CEF>>> uh huh>>>> as TRIAXONE... ________________________________________ now got blood results for 2nd round of German tests... below in RED is first round.. CD 57 14 NOW CD 57 is 26...still long way from the range of 100-360 atleast am above the marker for serious illness.. but only just & still know its there... believe me I FEEL IT ATTACK.. __________________________________________ apparently German scientist doc does say... to my Professor when looking at past results of Lizzie that I do need a specific test on my blood... CD3/CD57 ... this has now been done & my NK cell count is low. 14... Professor does say I've many problems & most important mustn't stop meds or IV .... READ & LEARN... >>> NK CELLS CD 57 scroll down for more CANADIAN LYME CONF 2004:-- One of the difficult things about treating Lyme patients is figuring out when to stop antibiotics, since the antibody and PCR tests are so unreliable. Research that measures the CD57 Natural Killer (NK) Cell levels as a way of determining if a patient is getting better. (The CD57 Natural Killer Cell is an aggressive white blood cell or "lymphocyte" that seeks out invading germs and destroys them.)
In his study of 89 Lyme patients over a year, he found very low CD57 NK
levels have significantly more coinfections, delayed diagnosis, more
neurologic disease and persistent immunologic defects, compared to
patients with higher CD57 NK levels. _______________________________
TEST INTERPRETATION: 1. Low CD-57 occurs in chronic lyme. 2.When disease has been active for over a year. 3.The count reflects the degree of infection. 4. It is used as the marker for lyme infection being active.
>200 normal <20 below severe illness <60 seen in chronic lyme disease >60 lyme activity indicates improvement
& so have done sumfin I rarely do ... copy part diary. entries... to neuro pages..... cos need to remind myself much of what is happening. in my world otherwise... could forget about & for now I need to know where am at..
|
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
____________________________________________
pokarekare ana >oh girl \I could die of my love for you
FATE>>>>>
______________________________________
University of Calgary Prof George Chaconas
|
Received 22 August 2007;
revised 7 November 2007;
accepted 9 November 2007.
Available online 19 November 2007
Residual brain infection in murine relapsing fever borreliosis can be successfully treated with ceftriaxone Like several other spirochetes, relapsing fever Borrelia can cause persistent infection of the central nervous system (CNS). By treating mice harboring residual Borrelia duttonii brain infection with the bacteriocidal, cell wall inhibiting antibiotic ceftriaxone, bacteria were cleared from the brain. This shows that the residual infection is not latent but actively growing.
Keywords: Latent;
Persistent; Ceftriaxone; Antibiotics;
CNS infections; Meningitis
The link to ROCHE is below. This will take you to their page on how to access free ceftriaxone when all else fails within your medical circle ..so you will then get life saving treatment within the USA. Roche are fully aware how devastating neuroLyme disease is. that is why they do this.... http://www.rocheusa.com/programs/patientassist.asp
|
|||||