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Pain Diary

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NEW YEAR  2010

n/p60 e/p30 1/1    5/713 >>> wake some neuro...  INCREASES AFTER DRUGS/// ARE BUGS FIGHTING BACK WITH MORE TENACITY EACH CYCLE... ARE THEY STRONGER... I AM THINKIN THIS...

neuro Pain & earPain after CEF>>>...WAR ZONE/// & nausea>>> ...

 BUT DID NOT SAY TO ANYONE.. just pretended to be OK when leaving hosp... & did tease cV with water Pistol...

n/p100 e/p50   >> 2/1    6/714  still on TT... still total warzone... GOT TO REMAIN ON IT.... am thinking have not had pain free days since mid November & there was only 3... am also thinking these bugs are more tenacious,. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW TIRED I  FEEL FIGHTING. altho pain is nothing as what I suffered before diagnose>> pain ratio is FAR higher & consistent than has been. SO NEED TO CHANGE WHAT I DO>>> REST MORE OF TODAY... stop late late phone calls>>>> they might make neurons work too hard perhaps.. gees... just don't know  but had pain all thru night again... ... drugs  hammer ME... & here goes for cef again...  & ROUND TWO OF DAILY DRUGS already taken neon...azith..TT... enuf to kill an army of bacteria... but NOT once in brain...thats taking forever..

 BUT IS MAGICAL>> MORE>> IF ONLY LITTLE BITS OF MEMORY HAS RETURNED>>  I WAS SO EXCITED & HAPPY>>>   SO I KNOW THROUGHOUT THIS NEURO & EAR PAIN MY BRAIN IS CONTINUING HEALING..

n/p0 e/p10   >> 3/1    7/715 >>> wake with NO PAIN AT FIRST BUT TT is  on the case of pure WAR... MIGHT BE making me ILL>>> but  RENDERS THE BUGLETS COMATOSE..  >>>>EARPAIN HAS COMMENCED AGAIN WITH DRUGS TAKEN OF THIS MORNING>>>> NEON>>>AZITH... & TT is NOW hells fire... & GUESS WHAT??????   got to do CEFTRIAX>>> oh save my SOUL PUHLEASE 

n/p50 e/p50   >> 4/1    1/716   just the lightest whisper of neuro & earPain am not gonna score the e/p for now but it threatens...is now reacting to first drugs of day..  but less than prev >>> >>> but then is pain good??... does that mean more bugs are dying..

ear/ neuro Pain BAD post Cef... TT is on KILL>>> am supposing

 n/p0 e/p0   >> 5/1    2/717 wake TOTAL free of PAIN... but have just taken drugs... hold fire..for now...

is TT now WINNING -pain ratio is from later..  terribly upset by hosp.

n/p10 e/p0   >> 6/1    3/718 wake no pain... as yest.. just slight neuro not going to diary thank own God .. have much work to do....TODAY. enceph later ...
 

 n/p0 e/p0    >> 7/1    4/719 wake with neuro but not severe as has been ...  still on TT .. with milder earPain & got days wrong yest... did say it was day 717when it was 718.... & today day 4 Thursday of 719.... only thing did know for sure is that 14th is the day,,  & that because of drug stopping for 5 & because 2008 was leap year this affects numeracy of count will be day 4/726  AND the freaky thing of all was the sigNif day of piccLine being 6/666 .. i do believe there are things that are just so fateful by hands of destiny that only own God has control >>> eh other than the obvious he of call sign of piccLine day... & Lizzie has nutting to do with him..  ENCEPH BAD OF LATER

 n/p0 e/p0   >> 8/1    5/720 NO PAIN ON WAKENING... ENCEPH GONE.. BUT AFFECTED SLEEP UNTIL IT SUBSIDED >>>> but now is good... will take last TT this morn & then stop.  PROVIDED THERE IS NO EAR PAIN ENCEPH AGAIN OF LATE stopped TT... see if it goes... now e/p has settled..

 n/p0 e/p0   >> 9/1    6/721 .......NO PAIN ON WAKENING but pattern is now down to total power of TT... gone is earPain  sssssSSSSSSSSH>>.

neuro has been enceph type later of a day .. result of much war from potent antibx TT taking ALL others across BBB on destruct of buglets..  ENCEPH TYPE PAIN LATER

 n/p0 e/p0    >> 10/1    7/722.....  wale no pain but real tired   Had enceph to deal with again. late last night...   Sleep disturbed.  TT ALWAYS silences all EAR & NEURO PAIN but it took much longer this time.

4days on wakening no pain... but had enceph much...  am thinkin this happened before... must be dying bugs.. ie neuro toxins cause enceph..

 hence reason ALWAYS had before treatment BUGS would BE CONSTANTLY generating toxins.. as they multiplied unhindered.. & now the action of TT stuns them to open for antiBx to kill....but when they open  under fire they also replicate.>>> some enceph pain LATER IN DAY...

n/p0 e/p0   >> 11/1    1/723. wake no pain...  TT works does it not>>> am still suffering much AND ny brain is so TIRED... it needs so much SLEEP... never gets enuf...>>>>> from building endorfs & working for others my body  ditto NEEDING REST...... today  emotional...  actual DAY... been going to woh hosp for two years... & nobody does compre... am so tired of everythin'... it HAS taken great STRENGTH to do what I DO..physical & emotional>>>>> I question all this being real
'Cause I'm not afraid to love
For the first time I'm not afraid of love
this day seems made for you and me
And you showed me what life needs to be >> >>>>> IS ACTUAL  2 years Lizzie don't CRY...

 you get betta...  x

n/p0 e/p0   >> 12/1    2/724. on wakening no pain.. enceph really severe later... & some ear pain.. (both ears...)

n/p0 e/p0   >> 13/1    3/725. first wee while of wakening no pain... but enceph back.. & feel real ill..

am thinkin' the inflammation from eye treatment triggers in greater severity...enceph has been with since controlling of ear pain & pressure neuro by taking TT antibX>>> it seems to take away one type of pain but end up with more enceph.. a migrating evil cold dense pain deep within...

on lighter note... the sea was well rough yest... & I Lizzie was unphazed.. it did NOT make me sea sick>>> sea sickness was ALL to do with high levels of infection within my brain am SURE>>>

.. cef wiped out hells own livenchenko effect poisoning .. ditto travel sickness. ENCEPH  muvh of day increasing LATER

n/p10 e/p0   >> 14/1  4/726  wake with neuro Pain  is TWO YEARS...of cef to DATE...14/01/08>>> 14 months of this same piccLine.. from 14/11/08is most signiF of days...SSSSSssssssssH please..... all of this past month... has just completely affected way too much... & with all of emotion breaking own heart.......  but then why should it matter to anyone but me... ENCEPH LATER

(day 726 count affected by cessation of drugs -5>> + 1 leap year 08)

n/p0 e/p0   >> 15/1  5/727   light enceph on wakening... later more enceph but LIGHTER

n/p0 e/p0   >> 16/1  6/728   no pain on wakening. enceph later... lighter

n/p50 e/p0   >> 17/1  7/729   no pain on wakening. >>> much NEURO PAIN LATER in day..>>>> got viral infection probably a cold.... enceph gone

n/p0 e/p0   >> 18/1  1/730   no pain on wakening. neuro & ENCEPH LATER

n/p0 e/p0   >> 19/1  2/731   no pain on wakening. ENCEPH LATER

n/p0 e/p0   >> 20/1  3/732   no pain on wakening.>>>my brain gets tired I GET ENCEPH... otherwise would be DOING GOOD WOULD I NOT... & am thinkin' enceph plays havoc with photo memory & instant recall..

& my new  piccLine cover did try for only 5 mins last night... but is not working is too big...  this is making me real sad.. I need to find another   LITTLE ENCEPH// later.../ cos am giving my brain what it craves... am SLEEPING MUCH...  nutttin at all got done yest  evening.  did swim... did spend time with fifi & gm about hell of happenings... THEN WENT HOME AND SLEPT FOR 14 hours... & I NEED MORE...

n/p0 e/p0   >> 21/1  4/733  ABSA NO PAIN ON WAKENING OR LATER.... AM PAIN FREE.... NO ENCEPH no neuro no nuttin .... just brain tired..

n/p0 e/p0   >> 22/1  5/734  NO PAIN on wakening 

 n/p0 e/p5   >> 23/1  6/735  NO PAIN on wakening  & so I FORGOT physical pain diary.. coz own emo pain is way too great...  earPain returned tonight.... sharp hot warning that babesia... or is it borrelia is still there... deep in brain... will soon need TT... had NO EAR PAIN SINCE.. 4th day of jan

n/p0 e/p0   >> 24/1  7/736  wake light neuro... not going to rate..EAR PAIN intermittent severe.. began TT

n/p0 e/p0   >> 25/1  1/737  no pain on wakening... on TT from lastnight.. earpain kicked off during week end..   the most hellish of all have decided...  worse than headpain>>>...ie  neuro OR enceph.. YET BOTH ARE ALSO HELL...  but earpain is so ACUTE>>> just makes me scream out with ferocity of attack... decided NOT to leave this time..  hit back from start TT on the case.... but taking all of drugs is  nightmare.. somehow am managing...thanx to own God.  EarPain intermittent acute>

n/p0 e/p0   >> 26/1  2/738 no pain on wakening still on TT

n/p0 e/p0   >> 27/1  3/739 no pain on wakening... but then can't be sure coz WAS STILL sleepin'>> game is called lets pretend am awake...earPain >>> lessening with TT>>>>.  CEF HANGOVER MANIFESTS.. am drinking much water... & fruit juice...smoothies... earl grey TEA...(WHAT)>>> EVERYTHING... but not COFFEE.. or alcohol... (OK)>>>> is Lizzie not GOOD... YES AM SO...

n/p0 e/p0   >> 28/1  4/740 wake pain free of neuro GOT HANGOVER TYPE HEADACHE... am DRINKING MUCH WATER... TO HELP  clear.... & TAKEN PARACET..

n/p0 e/p0   >> 29/1  5/741>> no pain of neuro... all ok... this morn HANGOVER THRU NIGHT CEF  cont...longest EVER.

.n/p0 e/p0   >> 30/1  6/742>  no pain.on wakening.... slightest of neuro. TT stopped... all of earpain gone..  AND HANGOVER TOO...feel much better..

.n/p0 e/p0   >> 31/1  7/743>  no pain on wakening... BUT EARPAIN BACK TODAY... on TT BY INSTANT RETURN...  only got 3 days clear of ep but TT works... but is a lot for me to be taking... I do protect own body good against all side effects of drugs..

.n/p0 e/p0   >> 1/2  1/744>  no pain on wakening...  no earpain... but TT is on the case again... & combined with other drugs is POWERFUL  & I got to take great care or side effects manifest.. ..not take exercise at same time as drugs...  IS DISASTER TO DO SO>>>>>   ALSO GOT TO TAKE WITH PLENTY FOOD>>

.n/p0 e/p0   >> 2/2  2/745> no pain on wakening but gonna have to cut out on TT today developing gut probs.. had this before when on overload with drugs>>>it is in COMBINE WITH EXERCISE WORK TEACHING OTHERS is enuf to do it.. cannot be active when these drugs are taken.. MUST TAKE LOADS OF FOOD WITH TOO & yet I NEED TT... it is silencing the acute earPain.

n/p0 e/p0   >> 3/2  3/746> no pain wakening... enceph last night... & had a little earPain yest...  MILDER cos of TT... not acute..

have stopped TT>>>.. want to see what happens.. let side effects settle..

 n/p0 e/p0   >> 4/2  4/747>  enceph last night... BAD... but short lived... EAR Pain this morning gonna need TT again... does work like magic bullet... but don't want to be taking for too long as get side effects from all other drugs then. coz it UPS potency of all in BRAIN

n/p5e/p0   >> 4/2  5/748>   no pain wakening but had earPain yest.. so recording with green this morn... but  only a little...  had more neuroP lastnight too have diaried same this morn.. altho it was of late late last..>>>. holding own just... still off the  TT  (low grade EAR>>> Pain thru out day....... plus enceph... LATER last night)

n/p30e/p0   >> 6/2  6/749 no pain on wakening.. BUT MUCH INTENSE ENCEPH LAST NIGHT.. BUT LOWER EAR PAIN>>. stayin off TT... FOR NOW ... ENCEPH BAD LATER

n/p10 e/p0   >> 7/2  7/750>>>   pain  on wakening BUT NO SLEEP>>> all because took phone call from sis late.. & MY NEURONS CANNOT cope>>>  I want to speak too.. coz am never home only chance do get BUT is not good for me.  don't know what to do.   (ENCEPH LATE)

n/p50 e/p0   >> 8/2  1/751   wake with pain... neuro... & enceph>>>

 but did go OUT... high into the hills... early...  then did SS WORK...

hosp... & NAUSEA BAD...is it dying BUGS.. or is it DRUG... isn't always like this... so WHY TODAY..& I CRY>>>have had ENUF OF EVERYTHING.... GO AWAY PLEASE... just leave me alone to CRY...

cause IF ITS SO RARE>>> why did I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO GET BITTEN... TO GET SICK... TO LOSE MUCH TO NeuroB.. to suffer hell...  OWN GOD I NEED THE ANSWER...??

n/p0 e/p0   >> 9/2  2/752  no pain on wakening... GOOD. 

n/p0 e/p0   >> 10/2  3/753  no pain on wakening... GOOD  tiny bit of neuro pressure later.. not GONNA RATE IT....

n/p0 e/p0   >> 11/2  4/754  no pain on wakening... GOOD. sigNif day is Sunday 15/25... day do share with Sn & DD... cos both were there on DAY 1>>> when cef began FIGHT to save my life... & is approp that it is Valentines day... the anniV of my own love Affair with CeftriaX.... THANK GOD FOR...x  SOME HEARTS TO YOU

n/p5 e/p5   >> 12/2  5/755  woke from profound dreams of subC middle of night... AM SO TIRED... there is no pain...  cried myself to sleep>>>  >>>>woke 4am... & cried again.. with memory of earpain intermittent... later... & some enceph...

n/p5 e/p0   >> 13/2  6/756   some ear pain yest... trying hard to stay focused.. so very upset... did run long distance.. try build endorFs... ...... this alien is physically way too strong... but emotionally fragile of this day.. 

 n/p0 e/p0 14/2  7/757 wake sort of OK... had pain late yest.. bit tired.. is 15/25 & nobody has a scooby what I mean... but it is so SigniF to ME...  neuroPain late last

n/p100 e/p100  >> 15/2  1/758   no pain wakening

LATER  neuroPain & earPain are BACK... both SEVERE>>> making me so SICK...

 ON TT FROM TONIGHT...

n/p20 e/p20  >> 16/2  2/759  some NEURO Pain.. EAR PAIN LATER...

n/p20 e/p0  >> 17/2  3/760  some NEURO Pain.>>> did stop TT after 2 days not near enf will need to recommence...  am ALONE... am TIRED... AM SCARED...ssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHH  got most horrific pain tonight ... is preventing SLEEP

n/p100 e/p100  >> 18/2  4/761   TOO MUCH ON MIND.... FORGOT.LITTLE SUB DIARY..

.. AM FRETTING ABOUT EVERYTHING.. & SUFFERING WAY TOO MUCH PAIN... infact why do I even bother WRITING THIS DIARY>>>>  cos AM STILL ILL... >>>& ALL ALONE & ILL..& when am asked about PAIN am telling nobody how bad it has been... is...

CAUSE YES I AM SCARED  neuroB is on ATTACK... AGAIN... oh F--- OFF... & own GOD IS SO NOT GONNA LiKE THAT...

n/p50 e/p25 >> 19/2  5/762 WAKE WITH PAIN did I say WAKE?? I did not SLEEP to WAKE

n/p100e/p100 >> 20/2  6/763  slight pain wakening... slept better... still to do cef... better go will be near lunch ... . but is allowed... still not good... but not swearing... AM SORRY ABOUT... pain SEVERE LATER... have not teken TT CAUSE AM MORE SICK OF DRUGS THAN PAIN OF ATTACK... I JUST CANT DO IT...SO YES JUST GO AWAY LEAVE ME

n/p50e/p20 >> 21/2  7/764  Sleep BAD of a night.. this is not good CAUSE CANNOT THINK FOR BUG ATTACK of NEURO PAIN>>>>>>... DON'T WANT TO GO INTO HOSPITAL FOR SURJ... DON'T WANT TO GO LONDON FOR TESTS>>>> DON'T WANT TO DO MORE DRUGS>>> DON'T WANT TO SEE ANOTHER DOCTOR EVER>>>> WANT A NORMAL LIFE BACK.. MINE NO LONGER EXiSTS>>> everyone thinks its easy to do DRUGS...

IT IS NOT... >>>>awe forgive... I don't MEANT IT>>> just cannot think

n/p100e/p100>> 22/2  1/765  wake with PAIN... is less severe... but still on  attack... on TT of yest,, so dealing with side effects.. real bad earPain & neuro last night... still on TT.. very distressed

n/p10e/p5 >> 23/2  2/766   wake with some pain... praying TT is working... but is making me feel sick need much yogurt & proBios with.. keep side effects in check..  but is magic at melitng pain

n/p2e/p2>> 24/2  3/767  tired... up so early 4am... but pain reduced greatly thanx to some sleep & strong antiBx... plus TT>>>>>

 should hope its potency will stop all pain soon..  & YES BRAIN MAP  FASCINATING... cause am knowing better what is happening... 

February 

n/p40e/p2>> 25/2  4/768  slight pain as yest ear>>> more neuro & am gonna pin point area on brain map later for diary  as in illustrate.  Pain is different>>> ie in dif  areas but this is intense & as bullet in brain but not as severe as lived before cef>>

n/p10e/p10>> 26/2 5/769 some neuro... some enceph.. no earPain... stopped TT... see if all settles now. more ear pain later>> neuro plus enceph..

n/p100e/p500>> 27/2 6/770  pain less but still has not settled... still off TT  >>>:LATER

BACK ON TT...earpain severe... plus neuro & enceph

n/p500e/p50>> 28/2 7/771  WAKE WITH PAIN.>>> slept thru with BRUTUS..MY ANGEL>>>> NOT PERSON>>>.OK....

. oh gees am I SUFFERING am going crazy with affect on BRAIN  be alright if get out in air...GO FOR ENDORFS... try FORGET about & be with own GOD..

n/p20e/p0>> 1/3 1/772  & TT is having EFFECT ALREADY... pain is decimated... but must take care or side effects of drugs will be severe..  some NEURO in AREA OF EMOTION & MEMORY.

n/p10e/p5>> 2/3 2/773  mild neuro.. flex of earPain.. not gonna rate.  still on TT... BUT HAD MIGRAINE FROM HELL... VISION BLOWN APART FOR ALMOST ONE HOUR.. COULD NOT DRIVE HOME FROM WORK TILL IT SETTLED THEN CRASHED OUT ON TOP OF LITTLE BED>> & SLEPT>>>

NOPE NOT EVEN IN PJs>>> way too SICK..

n/p0 e/p0 >>>3/3  3/774

n/p5 e/p5 >>>>>4/3 4/775  well my neuro diary has been forgotten... coz am just too brain tired>> getting everything wrong... had ear pain today.. & neuro... enceph later.. under attack.. still.

 LATER

earPain evident... even with TT... but has been more tenacious past few attacks.. but TT does win thru in the end... AS LONG AS I STAY STRONG ENUF TO FIGHT SIDE EFFECTS... so have RATED OF A NIGHT... & ENCEPH is bad... but look on bright side got no neuro at the moment..

some pain... NEURO on wakening no earpain... still on TT... had much NAUSEA yest...  not enuf proBios... or drugs taken too close togetha...  but sometimes is not poss to divide doses>>>... cos got to be taken with food... & don't want to eat when feel sick..

n/p10 e/p0 >>>>>5/3 5/776  got neuro.. trying to cope.. got too much & now got to go hosp... I WANT TO SCREAM  just stress...  NEED TO BE ON MY OWN TOTAL

 SOON

n/p1000 e/p0 >>>>>6/3 6/777  SEVERE NEURO in NIGHT... SLEPT GOOD EXCEPTING PAIN... BUT WAS SO VERY VERY TIRED I DID MANAGE DEEP SLEEP

SO DISTRESSED IN MORN... NEED MUCH MORE MED HELP  AM TERRIFIED>>> this has never happened before.

n/p0e/p20 >>>>>7/3 7/778  wake with earPain... no neuro... have had to stop TT was SO ILL ALL OF YEST...  did need DOCTOR... but didn't see.

n/p0e/p0 >>>>>8/3 1/779   wake (eh excuse >>>did not sleep)////  no neuro pain in head... but plenty in heart..

n/p0e/p0 >>>>>9/3 2/780  did sleep good but need MORE.  & finally all of drug assault this past while has paid off & given 2 conSec days painFREE of neuro...  & ear...  just feeling incred run down as been fighting virus attack... had horrific sore throat but now seems to be going.  HAD to be viral because all drugs of antibx should see off bacterial.

n/p0e/p0 >>>>>10/3 3/781 enceph of last... was real tired... this morn no pain on wakening..

n/p0e/p0 >>>>>11/3 4/782 light  flickers of earPain//  but them at tired.. YES STILL... but had some kind of infection... & is REASON...

spent early morn doing travel bookings for consult & tests with prof end of month..... now late... for everyfin... do cef before lunch I TRY

n/p2e/p0 >>>>>12/3 5/783  wake from deep sleep... is so profound... BRAIN TIREDNESS TOTAL..slight neuro in area of memory... am not surprised had much to deal with in conscious yest... & later in subC... am on overload...  HELP ME PUHLEASE...  everyone thinks am OK... am NOT...

n/p0e/p0 >>>>>13/3 6/784  no pain on wakening...

n/p0e/p0 >>>>>14/3 7/785  16/26   no pain on wakening.. only slight fliX of earP>>. TT in combo with other drugs achieved result as always...  I try to ignore slight pain... but IT SHOULD ALL BE GONE...

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