LizzieLane Musician
Songwriter
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Welcome
to my World
SMILE
STAY HAPPY
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all copyrights reserved Lizzie Lane
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very late this day 30th... slept bullet in brain pain... >>>HELL IT IS... & breaks all sleep>>>> as severe...
all did need after long day preV.. hospital>>>> got to be so fit this day>>>... & teach no matter what>>>... & this have done many times b4... can be the tuffest shout...>>> when so very sick.. eveybody now SAY... "LIZZIE YOU WERE GREY>>. LOOKED SO BAD" but no one told me at time is sad... >> doctor convinced ah'd be fine... >>>so tried to put a face on things... >>>>while deep inside KNEW WAS DYING...>>> now by comPar am getting better...>>>.. tho>>> still sick>>>> is forgotten>>> that this hell goes on & on...>>>> no one here to keep me strong... >>> can feel abandoned... .. & left to fight alone comPre... so do just as song... >>>> what don't kill will make me strong... so of yest... is 123... of different sort of game you see... >>>>how long doing it takes for cef will be ... >>>>as piece of string... or tubi grip... >>>>depends on those who are also sick... as A&E......>>> >>> so rarely...>>> one...>>>> the average two>>>> sumtimes THREE long long day... >>when EVERY>>>>>> has been even longer than..>>> days of VenFlon plant... longest captive day was SIX... & will be discreet ... >> will not say who holds the record of that day.. >>> only thing for sure .... as said... Lizzie at receiving end... so tell me puhlease..>>> how you see...>> possibility >>> to hold a life>>>> a world together>>> ssssshhhh>>>> is not possible EVER>>> as said to xnfifi yest... seem to always say >>>am sorry>> to others... everyday>>>> for places am meant to be>>> always play catch up>>>> sompre>>> & she as caringly did say... "absolutely not your fault">>> but GOT to hold a life together... >>> no choice is hardest part of epic fight to pretend am normal & make fight>> LOOK EASY... when is but the opposite... try & you will see... after only days ... BELIEVE... you will puhlead... >>or scream>>> for mercy...>>> & that is without all of what did go b4... >>> so very very sick & more>>> & still goes on as all alone... stay on this wire... balance good... my world upside down... & know in heart ... should >>. not be here... but own God is with >>>>& lastnight did stay out late with he... >>>> & d'you know there was the most perfect... MOON....>low in sky>>> as touching EARTH...>> & if you but realize he does share & mesmerize>>>>>> you got it too... look up to heavens & will see.. what all of OWN GOD GIVES FOR FREE...
They say nothing lasts forever PS to Cheryl C>>> as she is me... send my love compre..>>> >>& me & she>>>> had similar date with fate... >> only thing that compensates>>> Cheryl >>>girl>>> am thankful... y'see>>... >>> got with all of speed compre........ wish with heart that had been me... x __________________________________________
late lulla>> THURSDAY>>>>true to say >>>tuff
day...dominated total as always... by necessity for cef
one hour wait......>>>>> 1st hdu could cope on my own... >>than with many questions always asked of me..... been happening a lot lately>>>>>> but then go strangeways... >> wait goes on>>> then near 3 on total see>>> but who is counting... hours....>>> only Lizzie...... when time came round to set me free.... was near on cusp of crazy...>> as my heart did hurt... so very much>>> but try not to cry... >>but another day in paradise.. >>> is TRUE love of others got me thru>>> with all of little things they do>>> & HELPS build more & more... new memory store... >>> as dmd when heard him say>>> .as walked my way>>.>>>> "have come to set Lizzie free but RGJ >>> beat me too"...>>hearing this... to know did care.....& not forget.... no matter how busy of day>>> another memory filed away... .... >& others must mention of this day... LLS & fifi too..... >>> both understand... how hard I fight...to stay high on this wire....when am so so very tired... >>>> so am gonna say time was sleepin'... & gift to web..... photo image Lizzie Lane taken early evenin'... this day>>>when trying to complete on work... >>absurd... >> no chanz...>>>cos this should've been done months >>>> ago>>>... but am trying to hold together some sort of life.....what am needing more than MOST....is real long break... million miles away from all...>>>> don't be offended... don't be sad... if note to diary... reads >>am out this door & don't know when be back for more......concede will need... cef compre >>> sumfinelse you'll hear me say>>>...>> ah NEED this thing called HOLIDAY.. >>> where do I find someone like you girl >>> is so easy ..... don't you know... Lizzie captive here on WoH.... >& so with saddest little sigh..... >>> bring as always...LULLABY. ..nite nite...xx>>>>
______________________ Thursday 29th>>> when say of yest>>>>shut out the world>>>> WAS IN NICEST WAY... GOT TO SAY>>>>is only in terms of focus>>> because there is no way can fight on...>> without those I love within this world ALRIGHT>>>>
is only love that does keep me here... as focused... WITH>>... so this morn. wake tired .. sleep longer... only answer... as BRUTUS >> angel of SubC well on case of lessons>>>> he call reinforce >>> all about doing strong... & dreams are powerful shatter sleep >>>as wake with thots of NO NO NO....>>> wont... don't you see..cannot be>>... >> then maybe... well perhaps... MAYBE>>>> as fall back to sleep again for more... & compre where dream is coming from... & YES IS ALL ABOUT BEING STRONG>>>> AS SO IT GOES ON>>>.. so accept all of what subC imparts >>>> & to my own pcp family those who are always there... tatu for your love & care... & to those friends who are as same... those who never forget >>> even tho can go nowhere>>>> again say tatu >>>> & those who lean on me for need >>>as when I teach >>>>> & see a girl that stays so strong >>> make their world happy each & every time they see me....>>> might not know depth of all it takes .. to do... to say>>> to stay >> that way>>> as strong for they>>>..... tatu... too>>> & there are those will always need each as part of ongoing med care... & love them more than can ever say>>> cos they make me fight on >>>of a day...>>>this special bond is built in heart>>> with those deep down from very start... is the little things they do... that build memory intrinsic >>> part of you... so when am with>>> is oh so true... feel that can go on>>> as fight to WIN>>>>>>
so here for you are lyrics... from sweetest song profound... for reasons clear... with my own God standing near.. hold no fear... as face & live >>
Standing
on a mountain high ____________________ late lulla of wednesday.. & today as shut out the world... in nicest way>> got to say>>>> turned on total >>>full power for work.. ...
confirmed by another who did graciously say.. >>>"Lizzie you were amazing today..".. >>> when you think of where have been.. >>>that is wots amazing actually......>>>...THAT AM STILL HERE FIGHTING IN THIS WORLD OF YOURS...>>> doing all that is asked of me... never ever complain you see..>> make it look so simple as 123... or maybe even ABC... & this day completed all with ease... but somedays this is not so... is total hells bells tuff y'know......>>> to fight to stay strong in this game......>>>>.... but if these bugs that grow in brain think am gonna give in to them>>>>>>>> KNOW WHAT>>?????>> THEY CAN THINK AGAIN... THIS GIRL is here by fate…... THIS GIRL... she wont wait… but > THIS GIRL...uh huh>>> she is made in heaven cc This Girl... Lizzie Lane
so this night still do fight... to
stay strong as can... &... this lullaby will make you cry... & if you look into
my eyes you wont need to ask me why... the answer clear is written
here...>>>> is all down to you... ... >>>>
It’s so incredible, the way
things work themselves out .....And all emotional, once you
know what it’s all about,
_______________________________ Good morning 28th is raining... >>>
hardly got time to do diary.. >>>> .. way too much... >>>>& is important>>>>> need to have... but honestly is what distresses... suppose... trying to cope with all of ... & this concept of time is not enuf>> to be living thru all must do.... >>> much gets neglected...... & compounds stress... of which DIARY IS THERAPY... WILL NOT TALK TO YOU OR YOU OR ANY ... as DIRECT>>>> so when you read diary... REMEMBER you read thots... is why you love suppose... is better to be minding business of others... so much more interesting than minding your own... don't forget is my diary.... MY SHOUT..>. wot goes in... wot goes out>>> you got a call sign... means I love you>>> you got a song... means dub ditto>>> as it goes on>>>>>>> but wot don't kill makes strong>>>... so the saying goes... >> too much got to do>>> 1234 & more... it goes on..... but truth be told for now there is nobody to keep me strong...>>> but me...>> & ofcourse my diary>> &&&& MY OWN GOD.... compre.... as TIGER fight on... ....
________________ ... & so many offers of>> Lizzie you come stay with me..>>> ... ..
& got to say tatu >>> for now its sad... if had not been so sick as way b4>> then could give up on all of this... but I DO KNOW what will happen if infection not gone... so have to stay strong >>>>fight on>>>.... is so true been doing cef for over two years... of every single day as always... never missing... 'cept... for 5>>>> ... >>> own doc hosp waiting room removed venF..... say... "here are orals you must take"... >>>could not see in my eyes... all of pain... >> cos could not confide....& how I wanted to cry... broke my heart... please... DON'T DO THIS>>> AM WAY TOO SICK>>>. could not convey...>>> as dummy dolly... drugged with bug... could say nuttin>>>> was then only 6 weeks into cef... what chanz did ever have of being better... >>> when now at day 909 & still it goes on... am anything but fine...>>>>..>> & memory is clear... five days later back A&E with doc of metroP... call >>>MK... he did re intro IV drug.. >>>>so very very sick you see.. & nurse once again... was girl I now do love as friend.. my very own Sn..... but was not the fault of my own doc...... was neuro hosp once upon a thot was enuf... >>>>now with blood tests accurate.. much more is known... & also knowledge from world of VET... prognosis different>>> how this zoonotic parasite fights...... as out of hell >>>>>>>shall share with diary the day when watching rain fall heavily>>> so very sick.. >>> b4 cef... >> the speed...of surrounding world did change. as fast forward thru the driving rain...>>> then slo mo>>>>& wanted to scream at all & every... help me puhlease... know not what this is all about..... AM TERRIFIED>>> my brain had lost ability to hold real time..... >>> sumfin we take for granted always...>>>> & why ah say time is concept few do understand... your own brain does with simplicity... as expected>> as for granted.. do say.>>>>... but when all goes wrong... hallucinates... loses time... memory fails to file... & the pain is born out of hell>>> an evil imposs to describe... BUT TRY>> as 6inch nails hammered home.. pulled out with same exacting force... >>or bullet lodged deep in brain... suppurating hellish pain>>>> as hippo squashing head... sits upon with biggest rear...> & as you try to sleep at night>>> pain migrates as call enceph... same pain you get when ice cream eaten way too fast... brain freeze is the end result...... only this migration does never go... is freezing....>>> ice cold always>> & moves with angle of own head... >>> antiBx did take for skin>> helped protect but not strong enuf>>> war zone did erupt every time did take..... & could not compre wots goin on....in COMBO WITH HELLISH earPain... >> my overheated swollen brain >>> is all have ever known AS NORMAL>>>>>>don't you see wot neuroB has done to me.... cos prior to all was jaw... >>> an agony surreal that made me fearful what ever was attacking me... WOULD GAIN ACCESS TO MY BRAIN... so grafted bone... maxilo facial consult did say to me... would put an end to agony>>>..... mechanical had to be... but that was wrong too compre>>>>> & many times did go & say to then own doc>>> now retired... so thankfully rarely if ever see... is for the best believe me...>>> cos he would always say... >>>that wont happen wont gain access to the brain... we're on the case ... antiVirals to protect...>>> but this was symptom not the cause... >>>>>> & there is so much more...>>> but don't want to write to diary no more... >>>IS DONE... & rest is history... why got epic fight with brain infection neuroB... is there any wonder... any doubt... that never want to talk about... what have lived ...but is written in my heart you know... & am the one... locked down in time... living world so confined... what others can never see ... is deep within my soul you see... am left amidst this debris >>> delay means... am not free... to come... to go... to be as thee... as they... as you...... as others do...... as prisoner... >>but ah did nutting wrong AND WHY
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oh>>... tatu for all of lectures... all of
advice...>>> all of every you say>>> YES I DO NEED BREAK...>>>> &
HOLIDAY>>>>...
but not allowed... ..you see...>> is why can get so low compre....>>>> is imposs for me to diary all of evry factor in my world... ... ANYWAY....>>> THERE ARE many .. >>>> am living many of no GO AREAS...>>> many say don't ever do,<<<>> but am having too>>> ... are FEW >> who say right things.. & THIS helps>>>ENORMOUSLY>> reinstated smiles today>>> as easy... as 123... or abc... when...... DmD..>> LL..>>. HNA.. & BMA >>>> in my world>>> concede >>>>> the little things they say or do are special... ...>>> but with some.. >>> better to be alone..... >>> tho very sweet say things wrong...>>> AS>>> "is no life for you>>> coming here each day... RATHER be in dentist chair >>> havin teef pulled >..." (WOT?!?!?) >>> or "WHY NOT GET one giant dose... extra strong... scrub all bugs away as gone">>>>......"HOW LONG IT TAKE TO KILL THE LOT??YEARS & YEARS>>could you be finished next WEEK???". >>>> >>>> so alone with thots... much better compre.... >>> dmd>> takes mind off all ..... >>> >>> talks TV .. & his family... >>>music... >>>>but no not never neuroB>>> ...>>>>> is what I need... to hear>>>> normality...>>>> am not envious or jealous... .>>>>.. the opposite... happy >>> BECAUSE>>>> one day am gonna be as they... have MY WORLD>>> reinstated do you compre>>>... >>> & think on... NEVER SAY NUTTIN TO NO ONE ABOUT HOW I FEEL>>> ... YOU READ MY INNER THOTS... >>. as take you to my own WORLD... >>>even share my dreams... BUT NEVER EVER .>>> share or speak as real ... to any>>>> never say... ... just get on with things... >>>MY OWN WAY>>>>>> do my antiBx... as always... >>>>>alone... ... there is one person share my doubts... my hopes... my fears... MY OWN GOD... so there...>>>> other than ....>>>>>>only place mention same is my diary... TWO visits hosp of yest...>>>> one is tuff enuf... two imposs to do... >>> so got sad>>>> but was mayhem monday... as don't like... with silicone chip inside this head>>> that switches overload... suppose... is wot happens.. in the nhs... too many on holiday here at best>>this island paradise.......>>> THEN also got to face... 1234... & other many pressures for sure>>>> cannot confide even to diary>>> NOT ALLOWED.... is simple>>> fact is fact... takes much time to save this aliens life... >>> even if say just one hour a day... would still be 7 every week... an average working day so as to speak...>>>> gone... as necessary>>> >> so holding LIFE & WORK TOGETHER IS NIGHTMARE...>>> & ofcourse...do also diary... vagaries of piccLine...>>> no hot.. no cold... nutting racey...>>> infact... the opposite keep it happy>>> wrapped n safe... but rarely ever is just one... >>>.hour>> to do cef...>>.. >add travel back & forth take more ... even tho live sort of close.... still is distance... >>> so doing drug is always more... >>>> ... must drip in slowly... after prep... takes time to do with care as sterile... this antibX is on the kill... & thank own GOD... that it exists... or Lizzie would be hist>>>> &&& in other spheres >> THERE IS NOT ENUF OF LIZZIE or of TIME TO GO AROUND... yet WHAT IS TIME???? but a concept.... >>> do say... WE STILL CANNOT TRAVEL FAST THRU SPACE... FROM THIS PLANET.... this human race.. know nuttin.. but let me say it can be done..>>>>> this worlds... still got to find the way...>>> only in its infancy... BUT the answer is so very clear>>>> to own God... compre... & thru all of hell FIND fun.. >>>ALWAYS>>>.. >> Wendy Fox >> this girl>>>> was me. >>>>with neuroB...... did say once upon a day to Lizzie>>>... if saw inside another hosp would FLIP AS GO CRAZY with her lot>>>... & so am just the same as she...>>> have days when feel could scream with all... >>>but after tears... forget it all...>>. as CLEARLY>>> SAY GO ON TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY>>> &&&& KNOW WHAT??? Lizzie >>> you are quite a girl... to fight as tiger in this world... ____________________
I don't
quite know How to say How I feel
it is Tuesday... & its the 27th... of what >> I don't care... what is time anyway but a concept... >>> that this world knows nuttin about... OWN GOD COULD ILLUSTRATE THAT TO YOU >>>> somethings never change...>> @ 909>>> could you be where I've been in all of gone b4..>>?? ah think dying would've been easier personally>>>>& you'd need to have been VERY SICK to do this sentence...>>> cos this is the easy bit fighting to get better>>> this is nuttin compared to WHAT WENT BEFORE...>>>>... yet is also hell.. need to go still got cef.. is necessity>>> priority to me... >> stay strong... & shut out everythingelse...>> focus.. will try come back later.. but there are no promises... cos KNOW WHAT??? was THAT CLOSE to shutting up shop... NO DIARY TO SHARE....>>> AGAIN>>>>
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& yet if music growth develops same rate or pace...then fate is changing all the world of Lizzie Lane >>> nme hold to their heart my work... is accolade also>>> they are magnates of music>>> & as YouTube are as giant depart store with music as section of which Lizzie Lane is highly placed... & loved by same...>>>> & Google giants of the internet... undisputed king... or queen... key in singer songwriters in their browser nuttinelse... & from global millions who do they choose?? more often than not to display >> Lizzie Lane>>> is no secret someone at google loves Lizzie very much>... _____________
Love: Profoundly tender passionate affection for another person 
MUSIC Lizzie Lane songs delivered to the entire world courtesy of Google who love Lizzie Lane taking her talent & storyteller songwriting all over the WWW... you got to live an emotion if you're going to write it.. this is verified by Google who adore & hold Lizzie Lane in high esteem. It is mutual love affair... to write good music & lyrics got to feel it in your soul... ... Lizzie Lane can be found easily on the web.... zillions upon zillions of global websites are linked to Lizzie Lane.. too many to list here.. need a 100 websites to do that.. Lizzie Lane music & videos are heard or viewed in 133 countries thanks to Google... Lizzie is much loved & is global... all copyrights reserved lizzielane
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when you tell me you love me page up
something tells me somethings gonna happen tonight
PAIN DIARY n/p60 e/p30 1/1 5/713 >>> wake some neuro... INCREASES AFTER DRUGS/// ARE BUGS FIGHTING BACK WITH MORE TENACITY EACH CYCLE... ARE THEY STRONGER... I AM THINKIN THIS... neuro Pain & earPain after CEF>>>...WAR ZONE/// & nausea>>> ... BUT DID NOT SAY TO ANYONE.. just pretended to be OK when leaving hosp... & did tease cV with water Pistol... n/p100 e/p50 >> 2/1 6/714 still on TT... still total warzone... GOT TO REMAIN ON IT.... am thinking have not had pain free days since mid November & there was only 3... am also thinking these bugs are more tenacious,. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW TIRED I FEEL FIGHTING. altho pain is nothing as what I suffered before diagnose>> pain ratio is FAR higher & consistent than has been. SO NEED TO CHANGE WHAT I DO>>> REST MORE OF TODAY... stop late late phone calls>>>> they might make neurons work too hard perhaps.. gees... just don't know but had pain all thru night again... ... drugs hammer ME... & here goes for cef again... & ROUND TWO OF DAILY DRUGS already taken neon...azith..TT... enuf to kill an army of bacteria... but NOT once in brain...thats taking forever.. BUT IS MAGICAL>> MORE>> IF ONLY LITTLE BITS OF MEMORY HAS RETURNED>> I WAS SO EXCITED & HAPPY>>> SO I KNOW THROUGHOUT THIS NEURO & EAR PAIN MY BRAIN IS CONTINUING HEALING..
n/p0 e/p10 >> 3/1 7/715 >>> wake with NO PAIN AT FIRST BUT TT is on the case of pure WAR... MIGHT BE making me ILL>>> but RENDERS THE BUGLETS COMATOSE.. >>>>EARPAIN HAS COMMENCED AGAIN WITH DRUGS TAKEN OF THIS MORNING>>>> NEON>>>AZITH... & TT is NOW hells fire... & GUESS WHAT?????? got to do CEFTRIAX>>> oh save my SOUL PUHLEASE n/p50 e/p50 >> 4/1 1/716 just the lightest whisper of neuro & earPain am not gonna score the e/p for now but it threatens...is now reacting to first drugs of day.. but less than prev >>> >>> but then is pain good??... does that mean more bugs are dying.. ear/ neuro Pain BAD post Cef... TT is on KILL>>> am supposing n/p0 e/p0 >> 5/1 2/717 wake TOTAL free of PAIN... but have just taken drugs... hold fire..for now... is TT now WINNING -pain ratio is from later.. terribly upset by hosp.
n/p10 e/p0 >> 6/1
3/718 wake no pain... as yest.. just slight neuro not going to diary
thank own God .. have much work to do....TODAY.
enceph later ... n/p0 e/p0 >> 7/1 4/719 wake with neuro but not severe as has been ... still on TT .. with milder earPain & got days wrong yest... did say it was day 717when it was 718.... & today day 4 Thursday of 719.... only thing did know for sure is that 14th is the day,, & that because of drug stopping for 5 & because 2008 was leap year this affects numeracy of count will be day 4/726 AND the freaky thing of all was the sigNif day of piccLine being 6/666 .. i do believe there are things that are just so fateful by hands of destiny that only own God has control >>> eh other than the obvious he of call sign of piccLine day... & Lizzie has nutting to do with him.. ENCEPH BAD OF LATER n/p0 e/p0 >> 8/1 5/720 NO PAIN ON WAKENING... ENCEPH GONE.. BUT AFFECTED SLEEP UNTIL IT SUBSIDED >>>> but now is good... will take last TT this morn & then stop. PROVIDED THERE IS NO EAR PAIN ENCEPH AGAIN OF LATE stopped TT... see if it goes... now e/p has settled.. n/p0 e/p0 >> 9/1 6/721 .......NO PAIN ON WAKENING but pattern is now down to total power of TT... gone is earPain sssssSSSSSSSSH>>. neuro has been enceph type later of a day .. result of much war from potent antibx TT taking ALL others across BBB on destruct of buglets.. ENCEPH TYPE PAIN LATER n/p0 e/p0 >> 10/1 7/722..... wale no pain but real tired Had enceph to deal with again. late last night... Sleep disturbed. TT ALWAYS silences all EAR & NEURO PAIN but it took much longer this time. 4days on wakening no pain... but had enceph much... am thinkin this happened before... must be dying bugs.. ie neuro toxins cause enceph.. hence reason ALWAYS had before treatment BUGS would BE CONSTANTLY generating toxins.. as they multiplied unhindered.. & now the action of TT stuns them to open for antiBx to kill....but when they open under fire they also replicate.>>> some enceph pain LATER IN DAY...
n/p0 e/p0
>> 11/1 1/723. wake no pain... TT works does it
not>>> am still suffering much AND ny brain is so TIRED... it needs so
much SLEEP... never gets enuf...>>>>> from building endorfs & working
for others my body ditto NEEDING REST...... today
emotional... actual DAY... been going to woh hosp for two years...
& nobody does compre... am so tired of everythin'... it HAS taken great
STRENGTH to do what I DO..physical & emotional>>>>>
I question all
this being real you get betta... x n/p0 e/p0 >> 12/1 2/724. on wakening no pain.. enceph really severe later... & some ear pain.. (both ears...) n/p0 e/p0 >> 13/1 3/725. first wee while of wakening no pain... but enceph back.. & feel real ill.. am thinkin' the inflammation from eye treatment triggers in greater severity...enceph has been with since controlling of ear pain & pressure neuro by taking TT antibX>>> it seems to take away one type of pain but end up with more enceph.. a migrating evil cold dense pain deep within... on lighter note... the sea was well rough yest... & I Lizzie was unphazed.. it did NOT make me sea sick>>> sea sickness was ALL to do with high levels of infection within my brain am SURE>>> .. cef wiped out hells own livenchenko effect poisoning .. ditto travel sickness. ENCEPH muvh of day increasing LATER n/p10 e/p0 >> 14/1 4/726 wake with neuro Pain is TWO YEARS...of cef to DATE...14/01/08>>> 14 months of this same piccLine.. from 14/11/08is most signiF of days...SSSSSssssssssH please..... all of this past month... has just completely affected way too much... & with all of emotion breaking own heart....... but then why should it matter to anyone but me... ENCEPH LATER (day 726 count affected by cessation of drugs -5>> + 1 leap year 08) n/p0 e/p0 >> 15/1 5/727 light enceph on wakening... later more enceph but LIGHTER n/p0 e/p0 >> 16/1 6/728 no pain on wakening. enceph later... lighter n/p50 e/p0 >> 17/1 7/729 no pain on wakening. >>> much NEURO PAIN LATER in day..>>>> got viral infection probably a cold.... enceph gone n/p0 e/p0 >> 18/1 1/730 no pain on wakening. neuro & ENCEPH LATER n/p0 e/p0 >> 19/1 2/731 no pain on wakening. ENCEPH LATER n/p0 e/p0 >> 20/1 3/732 no pain on wakening.>>>my brain gets tired I GET ENCEPH... otherwise would be DOING GOOD WOULD I NOT... & am thinkin' enceph plays havoc with photo memory & instant recall.. & my new piccLine cover did try for only 5 mins last night... but is not working is too big... this is making me real sad.. I need to find another LITTLE ENCEPH// later.../ cos am giving my brain what it craves... am SLEEPING MUCH... nutttin at all got done yest evening. did swim... did spend time with fifi & gm about hell of happenings... THEN WENT HOME AND SLEPT FOR 14 hours... & I NEED MORE... n/p0 e/p0 >> 21/1 4/733 ABSA NO PAIN ON WAKENING OR LATER.... AM PAIN FREE.... NO ENCEPH no neuro no nuttin .... just brain tired.. n/p0 e/p0 >> 22/1 5/734 NO PAIN on wakening n/p0 e/p5 >> 23/1 6/735 NO PAIN on wakening & so I FORGOT physical pain diary.. coz own emo pain is way too great... earPain returned tonight.... sharp hot warning that babesia... or is it borrelia is still there... deep in brain... will soon need TT... had NO EAR PAIN SINCE.. 4th day of jan
n/p0 e/p0 >> 24/1 7/736 wake light neuro... not going to rate..EAR PAIN intermittent severe.. began TT n/p0 e/p0 >> 25/1 1/737 no pain on wakening... on TT from lastnight.. earpain kicked off during week end.. the most hellish of all have decided... worse than headpain>>>...ie neuro OR enceph.. YET BOTH ARE ALSO HELL... but earpain is so ACUTE>>> just makes me scream out with ferocity of attack... decided NOT to leave this time.. hit back from start TT on the case.... but taking all of drugs is nightmare.. somehow am managing...thanx to own God. EarPain intermittent acute> n/p0 e/p0 >> 26/1 2/738 no pain on wakening still on TT n/p0 e/p0 >> 27/1 3/739 no pain on wakening... but then can't be sure coz WAS STILL sleepin'>> game is called lets pretend am awake...earPain >>> lessening with TT>>>>. CEF HANGOVER MANIFESTS.. am drinking much water... & fruit juice...smoothies... earl grey TEA...(WHAT)>>> EVERYTHING... but not COFFEE.. or alcohol... (OK)>>>> is Lizzie not GOOD... YES AM SO... n/p0 e/p0 >> 28/1 4/740 wake pain free of neuro GOT HANGOVER TYPE HEADACHE... am DRINKING MUCH WATER... TO HELP clear.... & TAKEN PARACET.. n/p0 e/p0 >> 29/1 5/741>> no pain of neuro... all ok... this morn HANGOVER THRU NIGHT CEF cont...longest EVER. .n/p0 e/p0 >> 30/1 6/742> no pain.on wakening.... slightest of neuro. TT stopped... all of earpain gone.. AND HANGOVER TOO...feel much better.. .n/p0 e/p0 >> 31/1 7/743> no pain on wakening... BUT EARPAIN BACK TODAY... on TT BY INSTANT RETURN... only got 3 days clear of ep but TT works... but is a lot for me to be taking... I do protect own body good against all side effects of drugs.. .n/p0 e/p0 >> 1/2 1/744> no pain on wakening... no earpain... but TT is on the case again... & combined with other drugs is POWERFUL & I got to take great care or side effects manifest.. ..not take exercise at same time as drugs... IS DISASTER TO DO SO>>>>> ALSO GOT TO TAKE WITH PLENTY FOOD>> .n/p0 e/p0 >> 2/2 2/745> no pain on wakening but gonna have to cut out on TT today developing gut probs.. had this before when on overload with drugs>>>it is in COMBINE WITH EXERCISE WORK TEACHING OTHERS is enuf to do it.. cannot be active when these drugs are taken.. MUST TAKE LOADS OF FOOD WITH TOO & yet I NEED TT... it is silencing the acute earPain. n/p0 e/p0 >> 3/2 3/746> no pain wakening... enceph last night... & had a little earPain yest... MILDER cos of TT... not acute.. have stopped TT>>>.. want to see what happens.. let side effects settle.. n/p0 e/p0 >> 4/2 4/747> enceph last night... BAD... but short lived... EAR Pain this morning gonna need TT again... does work like magic bullet... but don't want to be taking for too long as get side effects from all other drugs then. coz it UPS potency of all in BRAIN n/p5e/p0 >> 4/2 5/748> no pain wakening but had earPain yest.. so recording with green this morn... but only a little... had more neuroP lastnight too have diaried same this morn.. altho it was of late late last..>>>. holding own just... still off the TT (low grade EAR>>> Pain thru out day....... plus enceph... LATER last night) n/p30e/p0 >> 6/2 6/749 no pain on wakening.. BUT MUCH INTENSE ENCEPH LAST NIGHT.. BUT LOWER EAR PAIN>>. stayin off TT... FOR NOW ... ENCEPH BAD LATER
n/p10 e/p0 >> 7/2 7/750>>> pain on wakening BUT NO SLEEP>>> all because took phone call from sis late.. & MY NEURONS CANNOT cope>>> I want to speak too.. coz am never home only chance do get BUT is not good for me. don't know what to do. (ENCEPH LATE) n/p50 e/p0 >> 8/2 1/751 wake with pain... neuro... & enceph>>> but did go OUT... high into the hills... early... then did SS WORK... hosp... & NAUSEA BAD...is it dying BUGS.. or is it DRUG... isn't always like this... so WHY TODAY..& I CRY>>>have had ENUF OF EVERYTHING.... GO AWAY PLEASE... just leave me alone to CRY... cause IF ITS SO RARE>>> why did I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO GET BITTEN... TO GET SICK... TO LOSE MUCH TO NeuroB.. to suffer hell... OWN GOD I NEED THE ANSWER...?? n/p0 e/p0 >> 9/2 2/752 no pain on wakening... GOOD. n/p0 e/p0 >> 10/2 3/753 no pain on wakening... GOOD tiny bit of neuro pressure later.. not GONNA RATE IT.... n/p0 e/p0 >> 11/2 4/754 no pain on wakening... GOOD. sigNif day is Sunday 15/25... day do share with Sn & DD... cos both were there on DAY 1>>> when cef began FIGHT to save my life... & is approp that it is Valentines day... the anniV of my own love Affair with CeftriaX.... THANK GOD FOR...x SOME HEARTS TO YOU n/p5 e/p5 >> 12/2 5/755 woke from profound dreams of subC middle of night... AM SO TIRED... there is no pain... cried myself to sleep>>> >>>>woke 4am... & cried again.. with memory of earpain intermittent... later... & some enceph... n/p5 e/p0 >> 13/2 6/756 some ear pain yest... trying hard to stay focused.. so very upset... did run long distance.. try build endorFs... ...... this alien is physically way too strong... but emotionally fragile of this day.. n/p0 e/p0 14/2 7/757 wake sort of OK... had pain late yest.. bit tired.. is 15/25 & nobody has a scooby what I mean... but it is so SigniF to ME... neuroPain late last n/p100 e/p100 >> 15/2 1/758 no pain wakening LATER neuroPain & earPain are BACK... both SEVERE>>> making me so SICK... ON TT FROM TONIGHT... n/p20 e/p20 >> 16/2 2/759 some NEURO Pain.. EAR PAIN LATER... n/p20 e/p0 >> 17/2 3/760 some NEURO Pain.>>> did stop TT after 2 days not near enf will need to recommence... am ALONE... am TIRED... AM SCARED...ssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHH got most horrific pain tonight ... is preventing SLEEP n/p100 e/p100 >> 18/2 4/761 TOO MUCH ON MIND.... FORGOT.LITTLE SUB DIARY.. .. AM FRETTING ABOUT EVERYTHING.. & SUFFERING WAY TOO MUCH PAIN... infact why do I even bother WRITING THIS DIARY>>>> cos AM STILL ILL... >>>& ALL ALONE & ILL..& when am asked about PAIN am telling nobody how bad it has been... is... CAUSE YES I AM SCARED neuroB is on ATTACK... AGAIN... oh F--- OFF... & own GOD IS SO NOT GONNA LiKE THAT... n/p50 e/p25 >> 19/2 5/762 WAKE WITH PAIN did I say WAKE?? I did not SLEEP to WAKE n/p100e/p100 >> 20/2 6/763 slight pain wakening... slept better... still to do cef... better go will be near lunch ... . but is allowed... still not good... but not swearing... AM SORRY ABOUT... pain SEVERE LATER... have not teken TT CAUSE AM MORE SICK OF DRUGS THAN PAIN OF ATTACK... I JUST CANT DO IT...SO YES JUST GO AWAY LEAVE ME n/p50e/p20 >> 21/2 7/764 Sleep BAD of a night.. this is not good CAUSE CANNOT THINK FOR BUG ATTACK of NEURO PAIN>>>>>>... DON'T WANT TO GO INTO HOSPITAL FOR SURJ... DON'T WANT TO GO LONDON FOR TESTS>>>> DON'T WANT TO DO MORE DRUGS>>> DON'T WANT TO SEE ANOTHER DOCTOR EVER>>>> WANT A NORMAL LIFE BACK.. MINE NO LONGER EXiSTS>>> everyone thinks its easy to do DRUGS... IT IS NOT... >>>>awe forgive... I don't MEANT IT>>> just cannot think
n/p100e/p100>> 22/2 1/765 wake with PAIN... is less severe... but still on attack... on TT of yest,, so dealing with side effects.. real bad earPain & neuro last night... still on TT.. very distressed n/p10e/p5 >> 23/2 2/766 wake with some pain... praying TT is working... but is making me feel sick need much yogurt & proBios with.. keep side effects in check.. but is magic at melitng pain n/p2e/p2>> 24/2 3/767 tired... up so early 4am... but pain reduced greatly thanx to some sleep & strong antiBx... plus TT>>>>> should hope its potency will stop all pain soon.. & YES BRAIN MAP FASCINATING... cause am knowing better what is happening... n/p40e/p2>> 25/2 4/768 slight pain as yest ear>>> more neuro & am gonna pin point area on brain map later for diary as in illustrate. Pain is different>>> ie in dif areas but this is intense & as bullet in brain but not as severe as lived before cef>> n/p10e/p10>> 26/2 5/769 some neuro... some enceph.. no earPain... stopped TT... see if all settles now. more ear pain later>> neuro plus enceph.. n/p100e/p500>> 27/2 6/770 pain less but still has not settled... still off TT >>>:LATER BACK ON TT...earpain severe... plus neuro & enceph n/p500e/p50>> 28/2 7/771 WAKE WITH PAIN.>>> slept thru with BRUTUS..MY ANGEL>>>> NOT PERSON>>>.OK.... . oh gees am I SUFFERING am going crazy with affect on BRAIN be alright if get out in air...GO FOR ENDORFS... try FORGET about & be with own GOD.. n/p20e/p0>> 1/3 1/772 & TT is having EFFECT ALREADY... pain is decimated... but must take care or side effects of drugs will be severe.. some NEURO in AREA OF EMOTION & MEMORY. n/p10e/p5>> 2/3 2/773 mild neuro.. flex of earPain.. not gonna rate. still on TT... BUT HAD MIGRAINE FROM HELL... VISION BLOWN APART FOR ALMOST ONE HOUR.. COULD NOT DRIVE HOME FROM WORK TILL IT SETTLED THEN CRASHED OUT ON TOP OF LITTLE BED>> & SLEPT>>> NOPE NOT EVEN IN PJs>>> way too SICK.. n/p0 e/p0 >>>3/3 3/774 n/p5 e/p5 >>>>>4/3 4/775 well my neuro diary has been forgotten... coz am just too brain tired>> getting everything wrong... had ear pain today.. & neuro... enceph later.. under attack.. still. LATER earPain evident... even with TT... but has been more tenacious past few attacks.. but TT does win thru in the end... AS LONG AS I STAY STRONG ENUF TO FIGHT SIDE EFFECTS... so have RATED OF A NIGHT... & ENCEPH is bad... but look on bright side got no neuro at the moment.. some pain... NEURO on wakening no earpain... still on TT... had much NAUSEA yest... not enuf proBios... or drugs taken too close togetha... but sometimes is not poss to divide doses>>>... cos got to be taken with food... & don't want to eat when feel sick.. n/p10 e/p0 >>>>>5/3 5/776 got neuro.. trying to cope.. got too much & now got to go hosp... I WANT TO SCREAM just stress... NEED TO BE ON MY OWN TOTAL SOON n/p1000 e/p0 >>>>>6/3 6/777 SEVERE NEURO in NIGHT... SLEPT GOOD EXCEPTING PAIN... BUT WAS SO VERY VERY TIRED I DID MANAGE DEEP SLEEP SO DISTRESSED IN MORN... NEED MUCH MORE MED HELP AM TERRIFIED>>> this has never happened before. n/p0e/p20 >>>>>7/3 7/778 wake with earPain... no neuro... have had to stop TT was SO ILL ALL OF YEST... did need DOCTOR... but didn't see. n/p0e/p0 >>>>>8/3 1/779 wake (eh excuse >>>did not sleep)//// no neuro pain in head... but plenty in heart.. n/p0e/p0 >>>>>9/3 2/780 did sleep good but need MORE. & finally all of drug assault this past while has paid off & given 2 conSec days painFREE of neuro... & ear... just feeling incred run down as been fighting virus attack... had horrific sore throat but now seems to be going. HAD to be viral because all drugs of antibx should see off bacterial. n/p0e/p0 >>>>>10/3 3/781 enceph of last... was real tired... this morn no pain on wakening.. n/p0e/p0 >>>>>11/3 4/782 light flickers of earPain// but them at tired.. YES STILL... but had some kind of infection... & is REASON... spent early morn doing travel bookings for consult & tests with prof end of month..... now late... for everyfin... do cef before lunch I TRY n/p2e/p0 >>>>>12/3 5/783 wake from deep sleep... is so profound... BRAIN TIREDNESS TOTAL..slight neuro in area of memory... am not surprised had much to deal with in conscious yest... & later in subC... am on overload... HELP ME PUHLEASE... everyone thinks am OK... am NOT... n/p0e/p0 >>>>>13/3 6/784 no pain on wakening... n/p0e/p0 >>>>>14/3 7/785 16/26 no pain on wakening.. only slight fliX of earP>>. TT in combo with other drugs achieved result as always... I try to ignore slight pain... but IT SHOULD ALL BE GONE... n/p0e/p0 >>>>>15/3 1/786 no pain on wakening as physical.. emotional am disT is hell..>>. DON'T LIKE MONDAYS... don't want to go hospital. week end was BAD.. GOT TO GO no CHOICE or GIVE UP & all fight then will be for NUTTIN>> so WONT >>>>been way too sick for THAT.. n/p0e/p0 >>>>>16/3 2/787>> wake no pain.. BUT last night attack of viral blisters left eye.. responded as total to aciclover.tabs & creme... but need fresh drug.... gone this morn as visual.. except trace outline where blisters were.. amazing when so red & angry last night.. but still know is on attack.. & IT TOOK ALL OF SKILL TO REALIZE WHAT IT WAS.. now I DO NOW KNOW REASON FOR TOTAL LISTLESSNESS OF WEEKS... n/p0e/p0 >>>>>17/3 3/788>> no pain on wakening.. & no one gets reason for real distress is knowing that blisters on eye does mean immune system is struggling... & this upsets so much.. wanted to see doc yest.. but did know would be imposs to obtain appt so late & hosp said it all everyone too busy with inpatients.. so go hosp mainland scotia for surJ tomorrow... xx n/p0e/p0 >>>>>18/3 4/789>> slept good no pain on wakening... but oh do I WANT TO BE FREE... THIS ALIEN IS wearing op straitJ cannot go ANYWHERE... to wait on my hosp DOCTOR COMING TO SEE... n/p0e/p0 >>>>>19/3 5/788 way too much to do.. & this DIARY MATTERS. no pain on wakening.. except for nippy stitches & told WAS RUNNING A TEMP A DEEP DISTANT SOUTH HOSP but actually felt ok.. cos WANTED OUT... & Crln girl of same still tucked up in her bed did say you cannot go>>> & I did say "watch me"... & we laughed...then said DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GET ENERGY FROM. she just wanted to sleep yet only had hour in theatre>>>> I WAS treb that & up for anyfin... & oh how am hatin surgical restrictions placed on body... but am doing what they say as text book... hells bells stox to wear but cupL with own hold ups that are real neat & sweet..... the effect is quite cool if not edgy on sexy>>> but being as I am SAINT as angel as living life pure it don't matter... cause is simply for ME... thank own God there is NO neuroP of earP to deal with.. late of last had enceph... but did sleep good considering ALL.... later after did WoH hosp & Sn waiting with hand outSTRETCHED... hand touch take... WRAP... am loving you... SO WHAT I NEED.. n/p0e/p0 >>>>>20/3 6/781 no pain on wakening .. n/p0e/p0 >>>>>21/3 7/782 no pain on wakening but am coping with so much TOO much.. just wonder how much more can take... n/p0e/p0 >>>>>22/3 1/783 no pain ... is FANTASTIC.. do suppose... length of time without symptoms seems to grow as cyclical... even if is more severe when does attack... THIS PAST WHILE I NEEDED SO MUCH TO BE AS THIS... cos my little legs are sore enuf... & did not expect to have TWO messed up.. pray it works... puhlease.. n/p0e/p0 >>>>>23/3 2/784 no pain on wakening... but then didn't sleep much...so got up real early... better than fretting... NEED OF ESCAPE so LOW.. BUT also NEED SLEEP n/p0e/p0 >>>>>24/3 3/785 pressure pain... but not severe... wont diary.yet..STAY STRONG AS POSS >>> with help from own GOD... & own remarkable sub C... >>> n/p5e/p5 >>>>>25/3 4/786 some pain on wakening... n/p5e/p10>>>>>26/3 5/787 some pain on wakening. n/p5e/p10>>>>>27/3 6/788 pain on wakening BUT DIDN'T SLEEP>>> CRIED ALL OF NIGHT... because its not as I CANNOT DO THIS...>>> BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS... DON'T WANT TO GO ON... GOT NO FIGHT LEFT.... its def time to LET GO... n/p5e/p0>>>>>28/3 7/789 wake some neuro.. slept good... needed... but pain in heart is still total..to GO & not return would be easy .. but would mean neva gettin betta ... & all of this sufferin for nuttin.... I DESERVE TO BE BETTER>>>I DESERVE NORMAL... & KNOW WHAT?? AM GONNA HAVE IT ONE DAY... n/p15e/p10>>>>>29/3 1/790 .. up 4am...travelling... intermittent pain all of day.. neuro & enceph inc later.. n/p10e/p0>>>>>30/3 2/791 some neuro on wakening... real tired... BUT slept better... two nights sleep in one..!! n/p50e/p100>>>>>31/3 3/792wake with high level earPain & some neuro too. n/p20e/p200>>>>>1/4 4/793 earpain severe on wakening... n/p50e/p100>>>>>2/4 5/794 wake with neuro.. earPain of last lingers>>. am coping...should think to take TT..do suppose n/p50e/p300>>>>>3/4 6/795 wake with earPain... need to take TT but I know what it will do .. it wil stun bugs shake them awake & the pain will be hell for a time until cef kills..>>> & the warzone will be total & PROLONGED...... & I can't do it... coz am way to fragile emotionally... OH BUT SACRED OATH...>>>>> AM GOING TO HAVE TOO...THERE IS NO CHOICE n/p100e/p100>>>>>4/4 7/796 wake ear pain & neuro.. I need to take TT but so dont want & putting off until cannot cope.. because it will hurt so much to intro... OK I KNOW I GOT TO DO IT... this is my life... FIGHTING TO GET BETTER... TO STAY STRONG WHEN AT HOSP>>>> & NO ONE EVER GUESSES WHAT AM GOING THRU...TALK ABOUT IT NEVER>>> so all think am ok... emotions are reactive so keeping myself back from all... is best.. when get hurt cannot do it... >>> so is better to live in own world then risk upsets..... yet sometimes that is not enuf.. & still I watch all of life on prominade de M... many many many are free to come here from wherever...... when WoH ferry arrives they crowd along in huge numbers... am better not to see... just for now... to me it spells freedom.... accentuates own emotion that my world is very different. Life for others goes on.. is but right... is fact...& I must try stay strong & happy... against all odds.. n/p100e/p 20>>5/4 1/797 wake some pain... am holding my own without TT.. SO FAR. is that not GOOD... will prob have to take... if am to see off attack as total.. but brain tiredness is there.. & in direct relation to what ASK OF IT... ie how HARD I WORK & this is MUSIC...
n/p200e/p 100>>6/4 2/798 slept bad... much pain... now need TT... but can't eat feel real unwell of a morn... shower maybe feel bit better.. glad not in heat of club zone... could not do.. && DIDn't TAKE TT SOONER ... coz I WANTED TO GIVE MY OWN DEFENCES A CHANCE TO WAKE UP & FIGHT... but THEY CANNOT... also combo of side effects can be tuff to deal with...
n/p100e/p 100>>7/4 3/799 SEE WHAT I MEAN>>> NUMBERS HAVE GONE PAIN DIARY IN RIGHT FANKLE OF A MORN.. still need MORE sleep for brain repair.. got so much pain to deal with & that wont be helping THOUGHTS.. on TT>>> reall walking the wire... & got to go to where there has bee total upset & is nuttin medic... >>just for a change... cie la vie wish I were free to go correction wish I were BETTER >>> ... n/p200e/p500 HELL>>8/4 4/800 >>>> did sleep ... but subC was so powerful.... && TT is stunning bugs ...& cet takes them out... with hammering from hell.. did happen yest... had horrific earpain to deal with late of day... cef delivered late afterN.. so now am gonna shower... then go for more... & LET ROUND TWO COMMENCE... & was asked how long between attacks... & am gonna have to count ... but must be weeks am sure... gap does widen... surely this is good...
n/p50e/p50 HELL>>9/4 5/801 ok am coping ... but stil got pain>>still on TT... & more & more am wondering about doseage of drugs... cos was dummy dolly when they commenced... better check am taking RIGHT AMOUNT OF ALL. .n/p1000 e/p500 >>10/4 6/802 ABSA HELL neuro is SEVERE very unwell last night but slept deep >>woke often but always straight back as sleep grab>> don't want to leave bed this morn>>> but all alone in home zone so that is bliss . HELL AM SO SICK NEURO + EARpain BAD ALL OF DAY..SINCE CEF... n/p20 e/p0 >>11/4 7/803 haven't taken TT YET... am too scared... pain has settled down... nuttin like yest... have taken all other drugs... thnk have had about 5 days os TT anyway that is good... see what happens with cef this morn... bit late gotta go.. n/p200 e/p100 >>12/4 1/804 wake with pain....was not good yest... but coped... stayed out in fresh air... but BAD lastnight of late... SO did take TT... ..>>>> about to EAT so can DO all drugs of a morn... then shower >>> go HOSP & let all commence again... & if this turns into same hell as saturday then need doc.>>> . am gonna seek imposs>> an appt....WHY??? COS HAVEN'T GOT IT ANYMORE TO DO THIS ALONE>>> >>>WAY TOO SCARED & TALK TO NO ONE ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING... n/p200 e/p0 >>13/4 2/805 wake with neuro pain.>>> much enceph now.. off TT but is still hell... am trying to do all of AS ALONE.>> cope...... & not seek help >> BUT need THAT help>>>>>>NEED to be with WHAT I do know......as one.. SO DONE WITH SUFFERING THIS..>>> own God LISTEN >>>> I AM so very good.. as ALWAYS.. >>>will you. GET ME BETTER PUHLEASE ... n/p50 e/p50 >>14/4 3/806 got some neuropain & wake with skin that HURTS... can see tiny little red angry spots shouting scratch me now... but might just settle if I DON'T TOUCH.. or TAKE DRUGS... but I NEED DRUGS had some earPain late last night but skin rash overshadowed everything TOO SCARED TO TAKE DRUGS feel sick anyway ....need help.>>>. had to take drugs... earPain consistent... n/p50 e/p50 >>15/4 4/807 wake with stabs of earPain... & have some neuor.disrupt of drugs not good... so am back on all>>>... had stopped yest DELAYED is more accurate to allow heat of physical.. .. this skin of mine is normally RESILIENT... always give skin protection so STAY OUT OF SUN & use high factor very exp sun screens... ALWAYS.. but do know that low dose antiBx clears acne..so must affect skin PROFOUND . therefore HIGH dose have effect & have diaried this previous.. THAT skin was mega sensitive when neva used to be.. VAST IMPROVED THIS MORN... on antHist.. using effective skin lotion as per script from own dd.. n/p0 e/p50 >>16/4 5/808 wake no pain... AMAZING.. all the more so coz earPain has been high level of yest.. .is why I needed to be back on drugs asap.. cannot let anything stand in way of getting better.. not even rash from hell.. but brain feels tired.. had much to deal with subC HIGHLY ACTIVE.. & skin rash still evident.. wee bit itchy... but am resisting scratching & using lotion as asked... is good... MUCH EARPAIN LATE... n/p0 e/p0 >>17/4 6/809 wake no pain... BUT EARPAIN LAST NIGHT AS CONSTANT... not as bad as once was...... glad back on drugs or would be fretting... >>> brain tiredness total... physical am fine.. am taking all of expensive supplements.. & was hit with another hosp bill... two bills in matter of days.. two dif hosps... one I did not set foot in.. & all is for same reason...>>>> is not right... is so very wrong... but nhs uk has huge failings with brain infections.. n/p50 e/p50 >>18/4 7/810 wake with pain as neuro.. bullet in brain type... or 6 inch nail horrific in the pressure... transferring to ear on same side.. & yest was so brain tired.. WORST HAVE EVER BEEN... so had to shut out all... stay BACK>> & when did go out later alone seeing others happy was hard covering up own sorrow... to talk about would bring tears & so better not.. need to focus on keeping immune system strong... had way too much upset for varying reasons since before last christmas.. & past month saw much stress & upset.. really need to go back on TT but has just stopped antHist & skin is still not happy... little itchy areas... but not as bad.. can feel the rash under surface... is not so visible.. skin bumpy... but everyday is improving. STAYING OUT OF SUN>>> but have done so for 27 & am def a whiter shade of pale n/p50 e/p0 >>19/4 1/811 sorry delay... am just low... way too much to deal with... & share with no one coz cannot... had hoped things would be much better >>> & if I even diary it will be REAL... & its not going to be so until am strong enuf.. so today has been hard..... just locked down in own world AGAIN.. but have atleast opened up diary...fem from infection was calling all shots>>.. & sitting right under own eyes of this expert is Lizzie .. as do fight infection from hell & she couldn't have stopped that...>>>..... nuttin mattered much but keeping her sweet... & my nurses they so don't need because all do their job as should.>> .as good & is as cV did say all do watch as lizzie work>>> is true.. am used too....so my nurses need to be as me & not see.. .... coz I know nutting of no one... as in i be watching you.. >>i aint got a clue... is but free this world of yours is it NOT.. oh>>still got neuro>> need TT but skin needs to recover further from little piglet feast first... n/p50 e/p50 >>20/4 2/812 ear & neuroPain GOT>>> ... I do need TT.. am just doing all I can to stay with... stay strong... n/p20 e/p0>>21/4 3/813 wake neuro pain >>> but . was there much of yest>>> see what happens if don't settle will take TT again.. SKIN is only holding OWN now from being on fire of allergy>>.. want to give it a chance. still haunted by blood tests don't know what to do ... twice was asked yest & twice brot instant tears could not talk about.. coz was asked again late of last as left to go home.. & just got out of spaZone fast & cried in own car... .... tears just weaken immune sys further.. don't you see I AM TRYING TO PROTECT ME FROM SAME & so today got work... brain needs more fuel... as B12... FOR BRAIN REPAIR...>>have so much to take of drugs that supps forgotten SOMETIMES... & susp this is reason for elevation of certain components in reg blood test.. as prof does always ASK if am TAKING...STRESSES IMPORTANCE>>> & MY SUB C WAS ON CASE OF B12 LAST NITE>>> that angel of mine did say TAKE buying all is logistical nite mare so in comBo with drugs.. is it not enuf to take Bcomplex?? ... would seem is NOT. n/p20 e/p20>>22/4 4/814 >> wake>> some pain sleepy headed too need to GO AM SO LATE n/p200 e/p200>>23/4 5/815 wake with terrible pain need to commence TT.. skin has settled... so have no excuse... GOT TO FIGHT HARDER AGAIN... sssssshhhh tell nobody but AM SCARED n/p50 e/p50>>24/4 6/816 back on TT... as of yest... & had bad enceph lastnite from much neuro & earPain of same day... hence need of TT.. n/p0e/p0>>25/4 7/817 no pain in head...or ear... but heart hurts,,, oh help me puhlease n/p30e/p0>>26/4 1/818 have dealt with real serious side effect yest... simply because did not eat enuf with drug... but I DID NOT WANT TO EAT...& SO PAID PRICE.. cannot take azith unless i eat AT TIME OF DRUG.. got neuro this morn.. am hoping have had enuf TT to bring time that is gonna be pain free in cycle... OH PUHLEASE.. not been 100% free of for long time... so it seems... && need to not be afraid > be open with blood test results ADDRESS so can seriously build up immune sys ...... don't run & hide Lizzie... STAY STRONG... n/p20e/p20>>27/4 2/819 wake no neuro no earPain... (PAIN LATER) perhaps massive blow did stun all bugs.. stunned me.. blood tests still high on mind. >>>>ITS REAL>>> DO ACCEPT & I SO DON'T WANT>>> is no fairytale.. n/p500e/p500>>28/4 3/820 WAS SEVERE lastnight.still feeling effects of bang to head... tell you it was as full contact with hammer... or similar did resonate & all of a day yest had nausea & knew it was coming from... as from when it happened... today is lessening but still is with..& affecting alertness do suppose.. also had neuro & ear pain later yest... THEY ARE ALL VERY DIF... the neuro was ENCEPH TYPE & why just had to SLEEP>>> if all of pain don't settle then will need more TT ... is only way get complete respite from all of pain &.. enceph seems to always come after course of TT .. probably because it helps kill more bugs.. is horrible thot how fast they grow.. am told immune sys cannot police brain pathways... in theory nuttin should ever gain access... so drugs are killing wot should not be there.. n/p500e/p100>>29/4 4/821 WAS SEVERE lastnight... all of last >>> woke with ENCEPH as would expect after pain such as last... don't know what to do... take TT..or not.. >> all pain severe later as last night... AM SO AWARE THAT FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEM SUCH HELLS PAIN DOES MEAN HOW LONG INFECTION HAS BEEN IN BRAIN... so how can I ever recover in few days of ceftriaXone.. is going to take long time... & went really high last night... did NOT INTEND TOO climbed & climbed till thot lungs would burst.. & head already BAD did not care... could not run good... way too sick... but wanted to ASK OWN GOD WHY..??? n/p50e/p50>>30/4 5/822 ATLEAST wake no pain.. but last nite BAD.. enceph did WAKE me during nite.. this week end am thinking will need to take TT whether I LIKE OR NOT>.. & blow my world apart.. is not hol weekend for me.. or for bugs that attack.. tell you without drugs on the kill then would not be writing this.. NEED AN IMMUNE SYSTEM DON'T I... & neuro B has had long time to destroy...... had to diary... got flickers of enceph.. O SACRE.. AM ASSUMING ITS ALL DOWN TO DYING OF MANY BUGS FROM PREVIOUS COURSES TT MAKING IT POSS FOR CEF TO KILL WITH EASE... & MY BODY CANNOT CLEAR THE TOXINS FAST ENUF... BUGS DIE IN HUGE AMOUNTS.. but this bug is evil the action of destroy makes them also multiply.... do know if too many bugs die too FAST... THAT REACTION can... overwhelm body... is one of the REASON TT IS NOT TAKEN ALL OF THE TIME... WOULD DO ME IN... ENCEPH LATER n/p50e/p50>>1/5 6/823 no pain on walening... but had much last night >> enceph... & later today had mix of neuro & earPain... is ear that is driving me crazy... is bad... need TT do suppose is balancing act... >>>>enceph later.. but real late was pain free.. FOR ONCE... n/p0e/p20>>2/5 7/824 wake NO PAIN BUT BRAIN is TIRED>>> also HAD NO PAIN late last.... BUT NEED SO MUCH SLEEP & THE NEED GETS STRONGER AS USE BRAIN MORE INTENSELY >>spoke with sis in italy this morn.. now am bit late...... does want me to check with doc about more supps she is sending... is still saying manitol is fine.. have received sumfin called immunomax... & wants to send another glucoban????? or sumfin like..... am up for any if they work.. but am scared too... HAD first STAB OF REAL SEVERE EAR PAIN... COULD CRY... BUT WONT.. n/p10e/p20>>3/5 1/825>> well that radio prog might have upset but no bug attack today until now.. after taking orals. THERE IS ALWAYS A DIRECT CORRELATION when antiBx are taken... pain is more likely & is definite with TT. BUT FACT IF HAMMER BUGS HEAVILY THEN THEY DIE & PAIN FREE REMISSION OCCURS... I know I need to take more TT & have put off taking BUT WILL... cos is only way to see off attack as total... D'yknow sumfin ... one day they will see this organism clearly & be horrified. & WHAT A LOAD OF TOAST>>> THAT SYPHILIS is cured in 3 weeks .. it might look that way BUT IS A CERTAINTY IT IS NOT.. will behave as borrelia .. these organisms are capable of hiding in & destroying the immune system. n/p0e/p0>>4/5 2/826 wake no pain.. none of last... drugs holding good.. n/p20e/p0>>5/5 3/827 some neuro on wakening & brain is tired... is long story... cannot diary all n/p0e/p100>>6/5 4/828 nor neuoro.. but bad earPain of last nite...>>> am going to take TT this morning & completely annihilate is way to have pain free remission... WILL DO IT.. be strong Lizzie... take the drug.. n/p10e/p0>>7/5 5/829 slight nuuro on wakening earPain silenced. on TT.. bit of war zone pain when cef trans yest... but coped... last night bed... but did go girlfriends earlier yest from hosp with little gift >>> hope they comPre... am just needing to rest more...AM FRAGILE WITH EMOTIONS >>>... yes my results were near on 100% better... as BB & DD do both say... but were abysmally low to begin with... still are... can hope for exponential as own doc does say... ...& then might be BETTER sooner........ n/p200e/p5>>8/5 6/830 mild earPain... on TT... is hammering.. my brain is mince with all of drugs.. BUT I FIGHT... for exPON... then am GONE.. as BETTER... AS FREE... AS ME >>> as SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE BEEN >>> THIS HELLISH BUG DID ONCE SUFFOCATE THE REAL LIZZIE>>>>> LATER NEURO FROM TT n/p0e/p0>>9/5 7/831 wake no pain...>>> except for dull pain to back of head AS BOXER>>> TAKEN KNOCK OUT BLOW... ... still on TT... had profound neuro last & flickers of earPain as TT works on attack... n/p0e/p0>>10/5 1/832 >>wake no pain... but did I make myself ill... did dub dose with azith IN ERROR OBVIOUSLY... & being on TT too...>>> is no wonder subC was on over DRIVE>>.. cos felt pretty sick... BUT UPSIDE BUGS SHOULD BE DEAD... n/p40e/p40>>11/5 2/833 had to stop TT yest.. couldn't cope with it.. >>>feeling so unwell...... & so bugs are still not dead & am frantic about but trying not to let it show... need to see own doc but don't want to go there do I... n/p50e/p100>>12/5 3/833 pain increased more of a morn..>> need TT... so ill.. SERIOUS SIDE EFFECT... BLOOD PRESSURE DROPS DRAMATIC >>> all because dub dose on azith preV day.. easy done.>> had TT in one hand with azith & water in other... & for some reason thot had only taken TT... so repeat azith CRAZY... but sometimes when my brain is so tired of all can't remm & if am rushing its worse.. .. . dmd said sleep b4 go out 2nite .. am needing just to go bed but did promise to be there.. am miles behind with work & evrything>> is upsetting me.. >>> just couldn't sleep last night.. wouldn't switch off.. brain was way affected.. no wonder am stressed..... so . EAR PAIN BAD ON WAKENING... REAL SEVERE IN FACT... & some neuro & now got enceph....... n/p0e/p0>>13/5 4/834 wake no pain... BUT pain DID WAKE ME IN SLEEP OF NIGHT... nuttin like what once was... but is STILL A HELLISH REMINDER ... don't you see.. emotionally am wrecked.. going to try look at properties later but vagaries of estate agents might mean is imposs... have much to do but cannot cope to complete ... .. everything has fallen apart... & am off this wire... where nuttin seems to matter... my whole world is shattered... & if anyone ASKS HOW AM... I SAY FINE... BUT AM NOT... hosp is the one thing got to keep as a constant.. if lose that am gone.. n/p0e/p0>>14/5 5/835 have said WAKE up past few days... but have never slept of last ... & ditto of other nights... am shattered... but got no pain... had enceph of a night... too many tears... this must STOP... or am going to be so sick... n/p10e/p100>>15/5 6/836 low neuro...higher earPain... need TT... need to do it RIGHT... is URGENT NOW... want to BE FREE OF THIS PAIN FOR TIME... NEED TO BE FREE OF.. & TT CAN DO IT... n/p40e/p0>>16/5 7/837 some neuro... no earPain of morn..... am wanting to take TT... but still afraid... but bugs are needing to be hammered... oh lizzie darling is so not FAIR... cos you will get it too... n/p0e/p0>>17/5 1/838 wake no pain... but got nausea had most of yest too... still to take drugs... CANNOT take with to hosp I think.. .n/p0e/p10>>18/5 2/839 am ok... but so low..enceph later...some earPain during day... neuro zero n/p0e/p10>>19/5 3/840 light ear pain wakening but yest had enceph later... what I call... the floating migrating pain moves with position of head.. is nauseating.. lived with CONSTANTLY as CAN recall b4 cef.. combo with high level severe neuro & earPain... was singular... then affected other ear cupL with poisoning... hallucinations.. so MUCH>> was HELL>>> vision engulfed by black debris... WAS UNAWARE until so very bad..>>.. heart erratic assuming bugs in blood respons.... & twitch of eyelid.>> neuro hosp did say was indicator brain was in trub... & THAT WEIRD RASH... circ... plus another severe dermal when doxy first commenced...>>> caused by dying bugs body overwhelmed with toxins .. .. AND MEMORY BLOWN APART>> so a little ear pain is nuttin but yet am so SCARED OF... know its on attack.. TRYING.. girl I spoke with yest on ferry did say only way she can do.. is SHUT OUT EVERYONE... to keep all of every for herself.. so relate.. n/p0e/p0>>20/5 4/841 wake no pain... >>> think pain pattern is settling...but if not then got to be TT soon...... did have enceph... as bad... later..
n/p0e/p0>>21/5 5/842 wake no pain... but am high on endorFs... BUT NOT HIGH ON WIRE... help me fight... @ day 842 so in need... PUHLEASE LISTEN to my HEART... .. >>> TRYING TO FORGET OK >>> . not never be scared... but am... enceph as bad... later...& SO UNWELL... n/p0e/p10>>22/5 6/843 wake some enceph... no earpain several days now.. LIGHT earPain later.....>>> heart still hurting... . n/p0e/p0>>23/5 7/844>>> wake no pain... had terrible VISUAL DisTURB yest on cef... did settle when drug feed over... coincidence.. am not sure...my DP got me paracet... prevents severe pain.. JUST INCASE WAS MIGRAINE... is all I need if taken when eyes go awol as first warning... but there was no pain.>>> so was it migraine?? or drug reaction... STRESS... severe enceph LATE n/p0e/p500>>24/5 1/845> wake no pain>... pain of lastnight gone... thinkin is it because of the drugs doing their job so well... as always get enceph type pain>>>> when neuro & earPain from active attack of bugs settles.. & has been more settled past week.. is good..... TT is needed but need to be sure wont upset... amazing how long it takes to settle self from all of drug O/D & rash of past... BUT all is well now from that aspect.. VERY SEVERE EARPAIN LATE LAST... SO MUST DIARY cos was prolonged HELLS BELLS BAD... but STILL NUTTIN LIKE DAYS GONE>>>COS THEN DID NEVER EVER GO.. n/p0e/p0>>25/5 2/846> wake no pain.. BUT LAST NIGHT SEVERE EARPAIN... BUGS WENT ON RAMPAGE... WONDER ... does the ELECTRICAL ACTIVITY SHAKE THEM ACTIVE??? or was it error with line? WHATEVER.>>> did give FRIGHT... can say.. been thinking how easy it is to make serious error... ... & was doing good till started on piano to WRITE... & then did GO OUT run for PEACE... cos was not working at club... own new SONG.. ENTIRELY MINE... "THIS GIRL"...is now born...... is down on what I CALL RUFF>>> as idea... but is strong.. & the amazing thing came to me while out in all god gives.. RARE PHENOMENON.. only once when on a flight did happen with own song MILLION MILES..... . as gift from own GOD... so earPain I shut out late last.. cannot WAIT TO RECORD own NEW SONG... ... n/p50e/p50>>26/5 3/847> wake no pain.. but last nite bad again... was gonna take TT.. BUT scared too ..incase does push a step too far on drug overload with rash... or WORSE>>> & GOT too MUCH ON MIND<<< >>> estate agents... buying selling... relationships... AM NOT HAVING IS FACT.. where would I eva get time...>> is NO ONE... BUT NUTTIN IS EVER SIMPLE IS IT.. hate hurting people own GOD DOES NOT LIKE IT >> but am not free so is pointless you see.. & most would want more than I can ever give.... so ALL is affecting me... am living as reclusive / & ALSO WAS UNWELL HAD TEMP YEST>> bit better this morn.. I THINK... but maybe not... AM LOW>>> incred so.. pretend with most am ok... WOTS NEW... is no wonder .. laney gone.. so soon does other sis>> just knowing they away makes me feel more iso.. & this pain diary is fast becoming my table of stress... nope would take script SIZE OF BIBLE FOR THAT.. & my SpA did call me late last... was caring... could've cried to hear her... WHEN REALIZE HOW FRAGILE AM... no one do drug 2 moro has been so much of week.. so is gonna be tomorrow late... & that is gonna affect following day... cos don't want doses too close... .. & yet will have to be THURS morn... no choice... unless no one to do drug again.. then will be mid night.. not quite.. had pain all of day..... just woke without...need TT...
n/p0e/p0>>27/5 4/848> no pain wakening.. but know that am not holding my own in that respect.. had no respite from .. NEED TT but am trying to make certain am strong enuf physically & mentally to take full hit of.. but so much improves... & own intrinsic mem grows rapid pace.. this is all down to CEF... n/p0e/p0>>28/5 5/849> no pain wakening... & yest... HAD ZERO ALL OF DAY....XXXXXXXXXX & is without TT... only a day... but see how it goes... memory grows... as Ivana hair... WILD ... ENCEPH pain later.. n/p0e/p500>>29/5 6/850 wale no pain but so tired... did sleep good... BUT BRAIN TIRED... want to stay in bed... GOODNIGHT... ah mean MORNING... own sis happy day in italy & we spoke & I 4got to even say... & that is so not me... Oh SACRE B>>...>>>>>> is simple neurons need time to heal.. TOO MUCH INPUT>>> . & THEN did I NOT read ALL OF BOOK IN A DAY... this is price now being paid... late cef busy day... not good... has to change... some neuro later......>> BUT AFTER CEF.... SEVERE EAR PAIN SHORT DURATION>>>> AS WAR ZONE... def related to drug attack on bug>>> n/p0e/p1000>>30/5 7/851>... wake no pain... but symptoms late yest... perhaps was too long b4 cef... ... but think was stressed too with all that is going on ...>>>... altho warning signs that bug is for full attack... if not HIT with cef... I KNOW IT IS STILL THERE... is WHAT DOES BREAK MY HEART...>>> how DO YOU KILL such... WITH TT >>.am on it...ear Pain horrific today.. after cef.. after orals... as of later... same as yest. .n/p20e/p0>>31/5 1/852>.. some neuro... cos my brain was battered as BOXER yest... WANT To KNOW NUTTIN THIS MORNING... cos SubC WENT CRAZY LAST NIGHT...... .n/p0e/p0>>1/6 2/853 WAKE NO PAIN... but THRU NITE HELL of PAIN >>>> still on TT... it works.. what more can say... is I who does pay... .n/p0e/p0>>2/6 3/854 WAKE NO PAIN still on TT... & all of others too... + supps... oh sacre.... surely this time...remis.. of pain will be result for long long long time... .n/p0e/p0>>3/6 4/855 wake no pain... still on TT... am settled now from all of severe buglet battering... BUT BE CERTAIN CAN TAKE NO MORE... some ear Pain later... wont diary think is sups pushing own immune sys overboard... am gonna stop them for a day or two... just to see wot is wot.. .n/p0e/p0>>4/6 5/856 wake no pain... stopped TT... NOW WILL TRY & BUILD UP BODY WITH REST... IS JOKE..>>>. NObody to HELP TO ALLOW FOR SAME... but had some earPain yest... susP is immune boost sups... so take a wee break from ... cupL days see if all settles.... n/p0e/p0>>5/6 6/857 oh gees.. pain diary errors... blame brain... anyway no pain... am STRESSED.. am FUGITIVE.... n/p0e/p0>>6/6 7/858 wake no pain... but have taken immune sys supps & THEY BRING ON WAR... so am gonna have to WATCH WHAT I DO...COS ARE POWERFUL>>> am letting them wear off.. making me sick... need to reduce dose... not TAKE TOGETHER... kicking my immune sys too hard... another thing>>> REFUSE TO LIVE AS FUGITIVE ANY MORE...>>>> is not my prob.>>>
"THIS GIRL" got wot it takes... this girl she wont wait... this girl is purposeful & driven...this girl... love her so... this girl... you got to know..... THIS GIRL>>> SHE IS MADE IN HEAVEN.. cc Lizzie Lane... "THIS GIRL" been working on it... MUSIC THAT IS.. & if you read own diary AS DAILY you will see & know reason why>>> it inspires.. n/p0e/p0>>7/6 1/859>> wake no pain... but brain tired... could not wake... & subC is on the case... 2 much input.. TT has had effect this time HAS IT NOT.. n/p0e/p0>>8/6 2/860 wake no pain.... n /p0e/p0>>9/6 3/861 wake no pain.. & this is part of normal.. & my BRAIN IS NOW CLEAR ENUF TO KNOW THIS.. IT AMAZES.. BUT OH DOES IT BRING HELLISH EMOTIONAL HURT,, TO WAKE & STAY FREE OF PAIN... THIS IS PART OF NORMAL & AM KNOWING THIS NOW...WHAT I NEVER HAD.. n /p0e/p0>>10/6 4/862 wake pain free... did cry self to sleep lastnite... crazy cos cannot believe way I feel... altho been pain free b4 neva been so profound.. CLEAR...AM AWARE,, but way way too much in thots & wonder is it because can THINK now as clear that am aware of others pressurizing am sure/ they think if keep on applying pressure will say yes.. & has got me actually thinking that it would..// if keep refusing to see they keep coming back at .If agree would stop you see. BUT only creates bigger more serious prob does it not. MY LITTLE HEAD IS MINCE THIS MORN.. & subC ONLY MADE THIS WORSE... cos am not allowed to swear... no matter WHAT.. later>> SO self test say sumfin wrong... but I KNOW... been saying for long time manifests real bad iwith severe drop in BP if don't eat to protect own self..... which DO ... but evidently it goes on... so might be reason energy low past week or so...... & just for record all was hell this day>> yet again in land of NHS... saved by own SpA... she did keep an eye on LizzieTHRU WALL... of STRANGEWAYS... if had been with on one to one would've told her wot was trublin... but way too busy one word MAYHEM... & did not cry... .n /p0e/p0>>11/6 5/863 no pain... of any... OF ANY DO YOU HEAR except own little heart... .n /p0e/p0>>12/6 6/864 STILL GOOD.... AM BEING GOOD ...TOO... BUT AM BRAIN TIRED... 2 much neuron work..... want to give me litte PICK UP PUHLEASE... AS CARRY ME PUHLEASE ...tatu x .n /p0e/p0>>13/6 7/865 still cool... n /p0e/p0>>14/6 1/866 & now can say... lived this day... 14>>>>>> WITH NO PAIN 19/29 work tired neurons..... too much. of.. is SIMPLE... but oh I NEED to shut out reality... am still cool... had tiny amount of pain yest>> by compar>>... WILL SLEEP LATER... TRY >>>> & diary if do>>> see if it makes difference.. n /p0e/p0>>15/6 2/867 still COOL no pain... just odd flicker... is returning BUT AM STAYING STRONG... IGNORING FOR NOW... n /p0e/p0>>16/6 3/868 some neuro... but gone of a morn... am thinking is slowly wakeing to attack... BUT then again am taking immune supps.. & they kick immune sys am thinking... but TT when go on same work dif MAKE ALL OF ANTIbx more powerful. GONNA SAY STILL COOL WORKING then CEF in afterN...... stay STRONG GIRL... n /p0e/p0>>17/6 4/869 no pain... on wakening..... just had flicker of ear pain.. think neuroB is near cycle of attack.... n /p0e/p0>>18/6 5/870 wake no pain... flickers of yest... >>> but eye sore >> red sticky of a morn...... needs attention .. or script >>> sumfin to soothe>> might be infected... n /p5e/p0>>19/6 6/871 wake no pain.... eyes plural infected... sore... pulling down ...physically... PAIN LATE LAST NEURO>>> n /p1e/p0>>20/6 7/872 no pain on wakening but there last night... short but severe... pickaxe to brain... on attack... recognize..>>> AM FIGHTING BACK..>>>. immuno max... & all of drugs... n /p1e/p0>>21/6 1/873 no pain...some neuro symptoms yest... but ok., still using eye creme for infection ..look much better.& CAN SEE without blur.. n /p1e/p0>>22/6 2/874 still coping.>>but neuro is on increase... bugs are wakening slow..stil got sore eyes.. tho VISION MUCH BETTER>>> has FRIGHTENED ME... did not compre... NEED SOMEONE TO LOOK AFTER ME... own subC.. alerting ME>>>to do this BETTER.. am thinking... n /p1e/p0>>23/6 3/875 no pain wakening... but is back on attack.. n /p5e/p10>>24/6 4/876 no pain wakening... but on attack .. & affects sleep...always at this stage have idea to take set down NEW PATTERNS OF... as exper>> cos NEED.. ear pain later.. neuro + bugs are back.. n /p0e/p5>>25/6 5/877 wake ear pain .. .. first strong earpain sigN attack.. . as expected there is a strong cyclical growth pattern to brain infection. going to take TT.. stress table doing all things that are high.. .what choice if want to get better. ...................sssssshhhh ....help puhlease ON TT... WAR ZONE... INSTANT... from nothing much is now SEVERE... must definitely make bugs open up & then can be killed.. but they FIGHT BACK..
n /p5e/p5>>26/6 6/878 mild neuro.& earPain.. compar of yest... was severe late last.... but today ok.. can cope... still on TT.. stop soon... only take short time... AM TAKING CARE YOU SEE..
n /p5e/p5>>27/6 7/879 COPING>>> ... JUST PRESSURED ALL SIDES n /p50e/p0>>28/6 1/880 wake no pain... off.. TT mildest neuro lingers .. later... neuor INCREASES >>>>>> is constant... as nail in brain.. have not had for weeks & now is back with vengeance.. go back on TT... pain later yest n /p10e/p5>>29/6 2/881 some pain...HOW AM I ABLE TO GO ON... COS HAVE HAD ENUF... .... OH JUST F--- OFF ....TO every... sssssssHHHH am SORRY FORGIVE PUHLEASE... n /p20e/p0>>30/6 3/882 some pain..got way too much to deal with of every... I WANT TO SCREAM>>>>... n /p20 e/p10>>1/7 4/883 >> got both types of pain but is expected.. does happen... if doesn't settle will do TT... but would rather be without till heart settles back... to normal...>>> TT DOES WORK WELL ON PAIN... increases but then obliterates... am sure is what happens..... cos getting weeks pain free after... bugs coil down tight & hide from drugs... & immune sys.. but as friend & vet does say... THEY NEED TO FEED TO SURVIVE & WILL... if no drug there will multiply not die.. think have been fighting another physical infection too... cos yest was better than was.. . but still not right... REST with no STRESS... essential IS JOKE... n /p5 e/p0>>2/7 5/884 wake ok... phone ringing early hours... am gonna disCon.. I need sleep undisT... shattered all of yest... do y'know am AMAZING even tho I say it myself... this girl is genius... but in the sweetest & nicest way REST Lizzie priority... get that heart rate lower... it is dropping slowly... MESSING WITH MY HEART uh huh neuro pain later more severe... but nothing as once was... n /p0 e/p0>>3/7 6/885 some neuro last... little this morn... not gonna diary ... ... but eye is red with yellow infection >>>after sleeping again. is RIGHT EYE...puhlease infection go away... don't need anythingelse wrong.... n /p0 e/p40>>4/7 7/886 no pain... sore eye... made me low yest... blurred visiou>>> & kept wanting to rub eye... & dream... know reason for... now... oh my heart & tho all will never know... tatu own GOD to all of medical for looking after me so... later earPain >>> bad>>>> & eye is getting me down...... no SWEARING Lizzie... OH BUT I WANT TOO>> clears all of stress... & hurt...>>> just one little word..>>> to own diary...>>>. OK AH KNOW IS BAD & AM A SAINT... & saints don't SWEAR... or do they>>??? make the world go away... as f--- off does convey as simplicity>>>> is Lizzie speak when angry for GO AWAY>>> is allowed so there... n /p0 e/p0>>5/7 1/887 am ok... wake no pain... is calm after storm of cycle of attack... & so fight on... am sorry to own GOD about yest... no SWEARING... no not never... is kept to diary... HONESTLY... n /p0 e/p5>>6/7 2/888 some earpain on wakening... am low.. but been this way many times before. is only be expected do suppose... is just miracle am not more so... pray don't say wrong thing... or there will be tears... n /p0 e/p0>>7/7 3/889 no pain on wakening... but still am low... n /p0 e/p0>>8/7 4/890 no pain... IS EXCELLENT.... tho rash does threaten... >>cos did RUN,,, IN RAIN... oh hell>>> protect picc meant got hot...>> made skin react.. bit..>> now today am BUT SLEEPY HEADED... DREAMS SURREAL OF NIGHT..my own subC way too powerful... eye creme needed 4 times day... sticky infected eye>>>> just tear it up... ..fot had done sumfin total wrong... >>> & little lesion under eye so red of yest... but heals again more of this morn...... nutting to do with other prob... but then wot am doing on my own is making difference.. >>>wont say... will only get aggro... if don't ever ask then ofcourse wont lie is own creme do apply... ah want it healed... & nobody seems to care but me... >>>>BUT IS MY EYE SO THERE... so all of every GO AWAY.....>>>> grief from every... >>>>> JUST F---off this day.. AM STRESSED YOU SEE>>. do say to own GOD >>>>AM so SORRY....>>> OK n /p0 e/p0>>9/7 5/891 wake no pain in head or ear>>> only in my heart...
n /p10 e/p10>>10/7 6/892 no pain... all is good... but still low... keeping locked down... trying to let no one know... ear pain later.. & some neuro.. n /p0 e/p10>>11/7 7/893 >>ear pain on wakening... still low & my own thots make me scared... I want to run for this... ssshhh >> go.stay another place where no one knows.. would by some miracle divine get better...>>>> NO... I KNOW would NOT..>> so why am I thinking this way is simple longing to be free... as ordinary.. but wouldn't would I? instead GET SICK REAL QUICK... & KNOW COS GOT EAR PAIN THIS MORN>>> & it really frightens me...... n /p10 e/p10>>12/7 1/894 some neuro ... & earpain... betta than yest... but affecting... n /p10 e/p5>>13/7 2/895 some pain... trying OK... to stay strong... n /p0 e/p0>>14/7 3/896 no pain...well teeny neuro>>>> not rating...is sumfin>>>> but the day is 14.......20/30...oh you don't know the thots I got... for sure.
.n /p020e/p0>>15/7 4/897>>> wake with pain...BUT DID NOT SLEEP... is a lie... pain I got do call enceph...adds as part to neuro pain... comes from deepest brain inflame... moves with head... the weirdest feeL... I hate .. brings back hellish memory... so not well this day compre.. NEED SLEEP>>> neoro pain of late last... & then enceph... also earPain late yest..... BUT IMMUNE SYSTEM BE heavily STRESSED WITH ALL OF TEARS.. am wondering if need >>>TETANUS FROM FALL cos on mucky path where ponies go>>> don't want TETANUS BOOSTER ssssshhh n /p5e/p0>>16/7 5/898 some neuro>>. piccline still unsettled... as me come back later diary... n /p10e/p20>>17/7 6/899 ear pain neuro both are there... & is day b4 >> eve of 900 no one does compre all numbers are for me... n /p30e/p10>>18/7 7/900 ear pain & neuro>> see how goes without TT earpain haunts... wonder why after so long what is still going on.. & always worse after drugs.. is fact bugs or parasites.. or WHATEVER fight back >>>>& day 900 > ssshhh less I cry>>> locked my world down forever that I can ever recall..
n /p10e/p30>>19/7 1/901 parameters shift... ear to neuro... wont settle down as away>>... need tt to be free... but am trying to protect own little self from side effects... just STAYing ON WIRE...as strong >>is tuff enuf... am scared this game of reinforce does fade.. yest helped with spa... & dmd.... just to see.. n /p10e/p50>>20/7 2/902 much earPain yest... this morn more...ear under attack>> bugs fight back... ... world of mine falls apart... no one can see state of heart.. FOCUS FIGHT... STAY STRONG... as reinforce... >>> >>> come back later diary>>> NEED>>>> more SLEEP always... tho sleep good every night...not ever enuf for sure>>... >>> BRAIN.... wants more & more & more... need this thing called holiday...badly do I not.. n /p10e/p50>>21/7 3/903>>> ear pain... & NEURO... & migraine yest... oh hells bells... no wonder am tired... bring it on... >>> WHAT??? NOPE NOT NEVER... HAD ENUF... >>> opposite.. just... go as f--- off..>SORRY is short hand...> of an angry sort... for no more PUHLEASE... n /p10e/p50>>22/7 4/904 still earPain... some neuro... need tt but rash threatens... so no... cope as can... & am way more emotional than ever was.. simple reason is brain healing... from all of past dummy dolly syndrome... was gone totally did think>>... BUT NO>> IS STILL GOING...>>>bugs do cause.. or toxins from... was never aware of what was there ... as surrounding as happening.. as if eyes were closed... now wide open... by compar & cannot believe what has happened >> I guess is what is called SHOCK.....
n /p20e/p100>> 23/7 5/905 do need TT as URGENTLY.... but skin is threatening rash BECAUSE I TRY TO LIVE>>>> & part of that love to RUN... & that affects blood supply re veins & skin....... can irritate... but RUNNING HELPS MY MENTAL HEALTH... keeps me focused for what its worth... on staying strong as reinforce.. same as get when see others who lived thru fight from start.. as Sn... SpA Dmd HnA... ... helps to see atleast one person... to know am not alone in this.. because I do have REAL FEAR... fight as face it... when am tearful is often this... AM SCARED.... for now earPain wont settle. this drug makes all more potent because am told has affinity with BB barrier as a carrier... & was doctor who himself very ill with neuroB that discovered this that effect of TT>>>.. & I know it must be so.. because when i take course of TT in combo with others... will then get peace from pain as bugs are rendered open to attack... CANNOT COIL UP >>>> must fight back & they then die... but has to get worse b4 gets better...... is why have mixed feelings on TT... as cef... atovaquone & azith then can kill nore efficiently... when coiled tight spirochetes have protein protection that means they can evade death... but friend & vet MW... did tell they got to open up to feed.. is fact... & if no drug in body when this occurs then they grow on unabated to engulf & kill as happens in animal kingdom... AS HAPPENED WITH ME BEFORE DRUGS>>> is essential to keep drug constant in blood... & on the fight... & I know he is right... I feel & live everything... is so hard>>>>> believe me...>>> & he did also say I must be very scared... & I am >>> so you see to keep on taking drugs... doing IV is only way.. & he reiterates all of what own professor does say.. most cannot take the drug onslaught... & neuroB wins... & why lyme disease... Ssssssshhhhhhhh puhlease strikes fear in hearts... is not LD>>> but when it moves on to different level of attack as overcomes immune system.. & body then unable to fight back... the brain is then render helpless under attack... as the immune system cannot protect as police the brain... & why am living a nightmare now.. as own retired doctor of then did let me down badly.. be sure I suffered HELL >>>> you can never eva come close to knowing... >>>there is no way to dress this up all nice & sweet >>> fact is fact he got it wrong... did not compre until way too late >> that before his eyes Lizzie dies... & believe me I would be statistic >>> but for several twists of fate.. & therefore I do know own GOD is on the case.. IS any wonder is EMOTIONAL FOR ME... & is good that I can write & convey... because this diary helps many. BUT thankfully in uk is still rare.. but not so in USA or Germany... simple REASON more infected TICKS.... you see.. scientists are working on substance to feed to deer... who play main host in cycle of infection>>> they hope if this is done... infections rates will drop & maybe will eradicate eventually all infections in ticks>>>> BUT FOR ME IS WAY TOO LATE... & why I sometimes cry... is not for now... is all of memory whats gone before.. >>>AM HAUNTED BY... n /p10e/p20>> 24/7 6/906 >> pain less.. but still so very tired.. is brain .. & is to do with ear pain... brain. wants to KNOW NUTTIN... hate this feeling... >>>> will just have to sleep.. give what it wants..... so if am not at hosp... AM SLEEPING>> would sleep at hosp if they would allow... if someone would watch my cef... & do for me.. is own fault... make all seem EASY... is hard..... oh help... when say am haunted by... is not a lie is fact. n /p50e/p50>> 25/7 7/907 wake pain... slept pain... not anyfin as bad as once was... but is still there & am in midst of.... I need TT... but am so not wanting overload... of yet more pain... & all of side effects from other drugs have got in check ... so SHOULD I TAKE to blow borrelia out the sky??? sounds easy... but IT DOES THE SAME TO ME.... am the INNOCENT HOST OF THIS MONSTER BUG>>> n /p100e/p200>> 26/7 1/908 woke with much pain.. neuro thru night... disturbed... but NUTTIN AS BAD ...... as WHAT LIVED b4 CEF.. this morn earPain >>> just done orals... & now go for cef... no wonder my life falls apart>>>>> ear pain blows concentration .. >>. don't want to take TT as skin is threatening to rash when run... but concede need... organism on full attack... is no doubt... AM FIGHTING BACK.. n /p30e/p10>> 27/7 2/909 pain less.. SO >>>>>slept & slept... & want more... & everythingelse can just>>>> JUST>>>>> JUST . went out & stayed out all alone... late... then early... I don't know what to do... but keep building my own strength... >>>.. but still this is hell.. & yest was from that same place.. & could write & write but what good does it do...wont change nuttin.. n /p10e/p10>> 28/7 3/910 pain.. there...doing drugs as always but not TT... I FIGHT BACK.... ALWAYS n /p10 e/p0>> 29/7 4/911 wake tired... little neuro pain... altho more was present during nite.EARpain.. yest retired GP was here... as at my gate ...timed by FATE... as did leave... upset me great... but try not to let it show... but could see it all in his eyes... >> & mine reflects as same>>> is no game...this is not a dream.. is REAL n /p200 e/p50>> 30/7 5/912 pain severe of last... all can say.. but very stressed of yest day.. better go... will be the same today IF DON'T TAKE CARE OF ME ... oh Lizzie... you poor baby...HELP ME PUHLEASE...
n/p = constant sore to severe pressure pain OR enceph ice cold migrating pain movement e/p = acute flickers (sometimes longer lasting) severe pain radiates from deep in ear... keep it simple
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